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Day 498 – This Thing About Love

July 2, 2018

I am thinking about so many things. Down South. My mom will be leaving to go to her home country soon, and I came to spend some time with her. I love her. Currently at the library about to do a bit of work.

I love her. I Love my mom. Me and my big sis made peace, too. I Love her, too. It has come to this. I Love them.

I’ve missed this feeling. I’ve missed this place. I’ve missed these people. We played soccer as a family yesterday and had a good time. My little bro and sis who live here are cool people. I Love them. I just Love them. My family has had all of our issues over the years, but underneath everything, there is such deep Love. People care about each other. I mean, they don’t always act like it, but, now that we are all getting older and we have gone out into the world on our own, had our separate families, lived our separate lives, gotten sick, gotten well, made money, lost money, dated everyone we wanted to date, explored every religion we could imagine, and tasted the pangs of loneliness, betrayal and separation… we are hungry for Love and belonging and care, and we are finally open to sharing that with one another.

My mother is an awesome woman. My mother did an awesome job. After all is said and done, the Truth remains. She is a sweet heart. A strong, sweet heart like her daughter. And she is full of Love.

I’m glad I lived this long. I’m glad I got to this place, where I could feel the love of my family and share such good times with them. I glad I got to the place where I could forgive people and forgive myself and say sorry and get on with life.

LA can be a very, very cold place. If you are not equipped with the skills to create a reality from scratch, it is easy to get dragged into the undertow of loneliness, desperation, sadness, fear, lack and separation that is on the other side of the city of angels and dream seekers…

I’m not sure if I will live my life in that city. I’m sure that I will always have a foot in it, because that is where my work is, but I like this slow, southern way. I like the ways of other countries, where people look each other in the eye and want to be connected to each other. I like this easy, safe feeling that I have with my family.

I know I always write and think about things in a fatalistic way. That’s because I know that death is real it comes sneakily. And so when I have woken up on another day, and I am still here, and I’ve had the opportunity to experience things that I only dreamed of and prayed for not too long ago – Love and connection and ease and belonging – I am very grateful.

Now that all the fighting is coming to a close… now that all the pain is finding its way out of my pores at last… now that I am learning how to let go of the past… now that I am beginning to feel safe, and beginning to feel like I belong in the world no matter where I am… now that I am learning to let my inner energy express out into the world and learning to love as deeply as I can and learning to take up space… now that I’m really learning what it means to give my all…

I am ready to give. I am ready to Live. I am so looking forward to all of the Love I will be able to share. I am Looking forward to this new life. Thank you so much, Allah. Thank you so much.

Ameen.

Day 498
This Thing About Love

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From → Time to Live

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