Day 478 – Allowing

Hey. I can honestly say that life is magical.

One day, you are full of doubt and the next you are full of conviction and faith. Not going to write too much, because I’m going to do a lot of work today.

Don’t want to share too many details, but want to share something I came upon about allowing and accepting the good. About having things now and not always looking for something in the future.

It’s been a long time that I’ve been in this vortex called struggle and sadness. You get used to it. And you start believing that your dreams are just dreams. Just down the street, someone is living the life that you have begun to think is impossible for you. Literally, just down the street.

In the past couple of weeks, I made it out of the vortex. I got a glimpse of life outside of sadness and struggle, and I realized that I wasn’t used to it. I had to (and have to) keep telling myself that I can get used to this. I can get used to this. I can get used to this. I realized that I had begun to believe that I couldn’t have the things I had always dreamed of, and I had to go back in my mind and change what I believe.

I decided that if I didn’t really believe in anything, I could at least be willing to allow for the possibility of good things, and that’s where I started. I started telling myself that it’s possible. It is possible that going back into the world could be safe. And it’s possible that other people and environments can be life enhancing and nourishing. And it is also possible that other people could understand me and even help me have a better understanding of myself. It’s possible that others could accept me as I am without judgement. It is possible that others in the world could fight for me and defend me instead of trying to hurt and use me, and it’s also possible that I could be able to fight for and protect and defend myself when needed…

Just because I haven’t experienced certain things doesn’t mean they’re not possible. I could wrap my mind around possibilities, and I kept affirming them to myself. I had been traumatized, you know. I didn’t realize it, but I had been traumatized a long time ago, and I had all of these beliefs about the world that were making me afraid to go out and be back in the working world again, and making me afraid to come close to people. Granted, my beliefs were formed because of the experiences that I’d had with others, but I at least could understand that just because I had been hurt in certain ways didn’t mean that I would always be hurt in those ways by everyone.

I planted possibilities in my mind. And then, when I could say that things are possible for me and there wasn’t too much dissonance, I realized that there is a level above possibility. There is allowance. And this is a thing I want to write about. I went back to my affirmations, and realized that although I could believe certain things were possible, I wasn’t really willing to have them.

I mean, they felt more safe out there and not here with me. And so I started affirm that I allow. I allow myself to be safe out there in the working world. I allow other people and environments to be life enhancing and nourishing. I allow other people to understand me even better than I understand myself. I allow myself to connect with others and be as loving as I want to be and still be safe… I allow. I allow myself to be filthy rich and have all of my needs met till the end of time. I allow. I allow myself to be Loved and seen and known as good. I allow myself to be free, and yes, I allow myself to be lucky. I allow life to be easy. And joyful. Yes. I allow. I allow life to be joyful. I allow my life to be full of joy and love. I allow myself to have. To own. To have. To own. I allow myself to have everything my heart has ever desired and more. I allow myself to have everything my heart has ever desired and more. I allow myself to have everything my heart has ever desired and more. I allow myself to be my full, whole, authentic self. Oh, yes. I allow myself to be my full, whole, authentic self.

This is the prayer that I want to share with you. A prayer of allowance and acceptance. I allow myself to be surprised by the goodness of life. I allow myself to be surprised by the goodness of life. I allow myself to be surprised by the goodness of life. I allow my life to be better than I ever imagined it to be. Yes. I allow. Now. Today. I allow the struggle to be over. I allow the struggle to be over. I allow the struggle to be over. Today. Today. Today.

Ameen

Day 478
Allowing