Skip to content

Day 453 – Permission To Receive (Better Than Your Dreams)

September 29, 2016

Hey… Life is moving on… I am in awe by how differently one can feel from one day to another.

I remember when I was at the worst of my health crisis. I thought my life was over. I thought I’d never be able to walk one whole block on my own again, much less run and dance. I thought my brain wouldn’t work again and I would be a nervous wreck forever, just being a burden on people… But I am here today.

And I can walk from one block to the next. And I can run. And my brain works again. My brain works again! You have no idea what it feels like for your brain just not to be able to work, especially if you are used to your brain working… I am here and my heart doesn’t hurt so much. There are little dark spots instead of massive clouds of dark energy all in my body.

I am here. And I am grateful. What if I dared to say that life is good? Would that be ok with you? Would it be ok if me, the broken, sad, not good enough, crying every day, drama-filled, little person became someone else? Would it be all right if one day I wrote a blog and said, “I sold a script! They paid me a high six figure salary. I’m out of debt!!!” Would it be OK if I wrote, “I said yes. My People (or someone far more fabulous) asked me to marry him and I said yes.” Would it be OK if I said that we bought a house in Hawaii, but we live in our condo in LA part-time? Would that be OK, God?

Me. The nobody. People have gotten used to me being this way. Would it be OK if I just changed? Would they feel betrayed if I didn’t have so many sad stories any more?

Something changed. This week. Already. I swear I have met more fine, eligible bachelors this week than I’ve met the whole year combined. And they like me! I had forgotten what it felt like to be liked and pursued by a man. I had forgotten so many good things. And the judge signed off on my court case against my job. I should have a settlement check within 30 days. And I worked a one day job that paid me more than I’ve been making in a week these days. And some kind of way, my heart got over My Kind and I’m able to be his friend. And I’m glad I’m his friend because he’s kind to me again. And I spoke with an old friend that has such a high vibration. He comes from a similar place as me, a dark, dark place of pain. And he made it out! When we met, we were both working a low paying job in LA, talking about our dreams. And he moved to New York to pursue his dreams. And years later, he’s pursuing them! He’s living them!!! And he has seen so many painful things in life, but he chose the light! He chose it and he’s living in it. He’s an awesome one… And our conversation was so lifting. It was so lifting to speak to another one of my people. And yesterday I ran into someone who I had met many, many years ago, when I first came to LA. Another kind soul. Many years ago, I hadn’t been able to see him. Like, I just brushed him off as another LA dude. But yesterday, I realized that he’s a sweetheart. A good person. He has joy in him and he can smile and laugh and he’s humble and he doesn’t curse… And the other day the gas man came to turn off my gas, but I just happened to be home, because you told me to stay home that day, God, and I just happened to have just enough money to give him so that he didn’t turn off my gas that day.

And so I have lights. And I have gas. I have food. And I have clothes. And I have friends – not so many, but enough. I have enough friends. And I have at least one person that I can vibe with and speak truth with when I’m happy. And I have my beautiful sisters who write me poems and songs and are such beings of light… I’m feeling pretty lucky, God. And my settlement check is going to come and I’m not going to have to worry about money for a long time. If I’m smart and make some good investments, I won’t have to worry about money ever again… And men!!! OMG I’m feeling so brand new. Men like me again. So many of them. Now I’m wondering how I’m gonna choose one!!!

So life is changing. Just last week I thought I was losing my mind, and probably was. I probably did. But now you are telling me that me dreams are coming true. My dreams are gonna come true, and my dreams are big dreams. How can I handle this? Is it OK? Is it ok for me to be someone different? Is it OK for me to be wanted and received in the world? Is it OK for people to see the best in me, for me to give the best in me? Is it all right for me to have, like, money and nice clothes and shoes that don’t make my feet hurt? Is it OK? OMG… Is it ok for my eyes to be all the way white again? They’re getting white again and my skin is getting clear… I promise I won’t be arrogant. I promise I won’t get all judgemental and start looking down on people. I promise I’ll keep working on myself and purifying and purifying. God, I think my life is changing, and I Just want to know if it’s OK.

A part of me feels like I’m betraying another part of me. It’s so weird. Like I feel like I’m leaving the sad me and the not good enough me behind… and the poor me… and the broken me… These parts of me have been here for me all this time… How can I let them go? Where will they go now? I know I think too much. I’m sorry…

-You don’t think too much, You tell me. You tell me all the sweetest things. Surrender… It is OK. Surrender. There are things you will think that you will not understand. Surrender… I am pulling you forward now. Allow Me. Yes, it OK. It is more than OK. It is your destiny. It is your birthright. All parts of you have prepared you for this moment – the moment to accept who you are. For in Truth, you are all parts of You. The good parts, too. It is the good parts of you, combined with the wisdom that pain has taught you, that will inform you in this rebuilding of a life. Hold fast to the good parts. Nourish them. Yes, it is OK. Cultivate your ability to open your arms wide and strong. The blessings are pouring in and, Yes, you have my permission to receive them. Yes, you are beginning to see your brothers and sisters on Earth as your brothers and sisters on Earth. This is a good start. Yes, you may begin to build your new life. You have my permission. You may receive. It will be better than your dreams. Yes, better than your dreams…

Ameen. Amen.

Day 453
Permission To Receive (Better Than Your Dreams)

Advertisements
Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: