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Day 448 – In The Possible

August 17, 2016

I don’t even know where to start. The past, present, or future?

How about I start in the present. I am in Hawaii. I’ve been here for a little over two weeks. Right now I am sitting in my single sister’s one bedroom apartment. Birds are chirping. The sun is out. I see blue skies and mountains through the windows. I see purplish-pink flowers, leaves, a clothes line and a baby gecko outside.

I am here by myself. I came here with my sick friend so that I could help him get some medical care from my awesome doctor, and I also came so that I could get some medical care from my doctor and take one last swim in the Hawaiian ocean and see my beautiful sisters in Hawaii one last time before I start the next phase of my life. My health had relapsed in the past month, but I’ll write about that later. The stress in my life was really kicking my body’s butt, and I was beginning to have constant shakiness in my body, short breath, and super tight muscles and tension everywhere in my body. My Hawaii doctor is a miracle worker and he got most of the knots out of my body in the past two weeks and is giving me a plan to stay healthy… He says that I can be completely back to my optimal health if I stick to the plan… I didn’t have a disease or anything. My problem was stress and lifestyle. It broke my body down.

Now I’m here in Hawaii. My friend came here, too. My sick friend. I’ve known him for half of my life. Literally. Since we were teens brand new to the world. He was the one who came and helped me out last year when I was so sick that I couldn’t even get off the floor to make my own food. He came and cooked for me every day. And it doesn’t sound like much, but it’s exactly what I needed. And so he got sick. Actually, he’s been sick for many years, but his health got worse. And since I had gotten better, he asked if I would help him get better. No one really believed he was sick but me. His symptoms were similar to mine. There were no broken bones, no issues found in blood tests. No coughs or colds or snot or bumps. He could talk just fine. But he would tell people that he had no energy, and until I got sick and experienced it for myself, I had no idea what he was talking about. I thought he just lazy. Or unmotivated. Or depressed. When I got sick, people said the same thing about me. But I wasn’t lazy. Or unmotivated. I was sick and I had no idea what was wrong with me or how to fix it. And I didn’t have any energy. I couldn’t walk up one flight of stairs without stopping. I couldn’t make it from one block to the next. And it wasn’t like you get when you’re tired, like when you exercise. It was like my circuits were fried.

I would get confused and my brain would feel foggy after a little bit of exertion. And my whole body would hurt. I wasn’t out of breath. I was out of energy… And people thought I was lazy. People thought I was looking for a way not to work. I’ve always had a job since I was 15 years old and never really asked anyone to pay for stuff for me, but silly men thought I was trying to find a way to use people by using my health as an excuse… But I digress.

My friend was sick and, since I used to work for LA County and know how to navigate the system, and since I actually believed he was sick, he asked if I could help him get tests done and ultimately get an MRI so they could find out what was wrong with him. I said I’d help. And I did. We made a plan. For three months, he’s stay with me in LA and I’d do everything I could to get him all kinds of tests and ultimately an MRI. If we accomplished all of this in three months, I’d go with him to Hawaii, so he could see my doctor. My doctor is a chiropractor, but he’s also certified in several clinical procedures, and he’s a wholistic doctor, so I was sure he could help my friend…

To make a long story short, we accomplished everything we set out to do in three months, and we ended up in Hawaii two weeks ago. My friend had gotten his MRI. The MRI indicated that he had swelling and fluid in his brain… 😦

He’s not gonna die, but had he gone much longer without treatment and without a diagnosis, I don’t know what would have happened to him. My doctor did some procedures to help drain the fluid out of his brain, and gave him a healthcare plan and some prescriptions so that he can continue to get better… And my friend boarded a plane to LA yesterday. He is going to see his LA doctor so that they can also give him a diagnosis and healthcare plan…

And I just got a phone call… Life is moving so fast. My sister (who’s Hawaii apartment I’m in right now, while she’s out of town on a job training) just called and told me that her job will be placing her in LA. This Friday. She just got a job with the company that I used to work for years ago before I went back to school to work in the film world. The company she works for is awesome. It pays a whole lot of money and sends you all over the country to do awesome leadership jobs. They give you a car. They pay for a place to stay. They pay for your daily food allowance. All of the income you make is profit because you literally have zero living expenses. This company will be paying for my sis to live in Cali. In the lovely part of town that I used to live in before my life fell apart and I moved in with He Who Came Before…

What does all of this mean? It means so much. It means that my sis has an apartment in Hawaii that I could potentially live in if I wanted to… And I’ve already gotten a job offer in Hawaii. It means that if I went back to LA, that’s one more sister there. And this sister and I have a lot of common interests… It means my sis and I could potentially be roommates. We could live somewhere beautiful and make a lot of money in our last few months of being single.

Hawaii is not the same without my family here. It’s still beautiful and amazing, but my sisters, my mom, and my nieces and nephews made this place that more special. My doctor is still here, but he says I’m getting well…

What I’m trying to say, what I’m explaining to you is that a shift is taking place. It is ridiculous. It is huge. We are entering the land of the possible. Do you see? Everything from the past is over… I’ve had so much drama over the years… It’s all over. It feels like a spell is being broken. Even my eyes are getting white again.

I can hear the voice of my friend who passed away earlier this year. He is telling me to go where the love is… Go where the life is. Something is happening, Allah. Something is opening in my eyes… Something is opening in my soul. Life is possible again. Do you understand? It’s not just something I’m writing about in a blog… Doors are opening again. I passed the test. I don’t even know what the test was, but I passed it. I kept listening to You…

And Now… Whew… Now what shall we do? What do we do in a world where anything is possible? I mean anything. Don’t think about money. Money is there. It’s just there. Just believe me. Well, I’m speaking for myself. I know this. Money is there. I have been sick for the past two years and out of work for most of it and money has found me and kept me eating and sheltered and clothed… But more money is there now. Now that I’m able to work.

What shall I do? Do you understand? Most of my life, there has been a job beckoning me somewhere. Or a man. Or some family thing. Or some school thing. I have never really believed that absolutely anything I wanted was possible, so I made decisions from the realm of what I thought could happen. But You are telling me that if I wanted to stay right here in Hawaii and write and sell movies and meet a fabulous man, I could do that. Or I could move to LA and live life there and live in a clean part of town near nature… Or I could move to another country, any country and live any kind of life I wanted to there. I know it all sounds to fantastic. You are telling me that whenever I decide to be with a man, start a family, do whatever kind of work I want to do, then that will be my life… Oh my God. My mind doesn’t want to believe you, but my soul understands…

– This time, when deciding what to do next with Your life, do not say, “This is what I can do and this is how I can do it and let’s make this plan and get this money first.” No. Say, “This is what I want to do, and this is how and where and when I want to do it.” The end. Just try it. Don’t worry about how, when and where things will work out. Try Trusting me. Try exercising your Will. Your Will. Your Divine Will. The faculty of choice that I have given you. It’s time to start your life, Laydie. Yes, you had another life, but you are a different person now. You have evolved and didn’t even know it. Now you know. You have come into your own skin. You are a Woman now, with so much beauty to offer to this world. But do not get caught up in that ego aspect. Let us focus on choice. Your energy field has been cleansed. You did it. You did the work… You did the work. Take a shower. Wash your hair. Connect with All There Is. Pray. Center yourself. And once you are centered, you will know what to choose next. And once you know, take action. Do not hesitate. Take action. Today. Your new life is reaching out to you. Meet it with your will. Release fear. See what lives in the possible and choose the possible now… Now.. Now… Now… Now.. Now… Now.. Now…

Now.

Ameen.

Day 448
In The Possible

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