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Day 435 – Rising Above (On Taking Flight)

May 5, 2016

Hey, I wrote this a few days ago and didn’t post. I’m gonna post it, and then I’m gonna write a new entry today. So it’s a double wammy day. Happy Thursday!

OK. This one I’ll post… This is me attempting to be wonderwoman…

This is me digging deeper than I’ve ever dug, because the world is rushing in now. The world is back and it came back fast! I’ve been off the blog for a while because I’ve been out there dealing with the world.

No more “me” time, praying for hours and writing all day long. No more of my solitude in my quiet apartment in the middle of the city.

Life found me, unlocked the gates of my gated apartment and is now compelling me to participate in it or else… Or else what, You ask?
Or else I will drown. I will die. I will go hungry. I will move backwards. Vacation is over. If I don’t participate in life, I will never get married. There will be no books or plays or songs or community development programs or children… There will be no joy.

“I am ready”, the Universe told me, and jolted me out of my cocoon.

And for the past two weeks, I have been struggling to fly. I have been struggling to integrate all of the understandings that I have come upon into my personal life.
I have found the world outside of my apartment to be so mean and confusing. I have found most people to be under spells, “survive, survive, survive” is the constant thought. There are no thoughts of joy. There are no thoughts of communion. There are no thoughts of real Love. “Protect thine own self” is the mantra of the environment that I find myself in.
And, oh, I am tired of fighting. I am not interested in constantly being on edge. I have no desire to lose my hair anymore, but just because I walk out of my house with a smile, doesn’t mean the world will smile back at me.

And so my sensitive, open heart has been struggling with adjusting to this new/old world that I left behind not too long ago. And I haven’t done much flying. Instead, I’ve been bumbling around and getting blown here and there by the wind…

So I am taking a moment. I am taking a moment away from the world that I’ve been in for almost two weeks now, and I am pausing to recalibrate and remember what I learned about taking flight.

How, my Lord, can I live in this world of broken glass? How can I rise above? How can I be in a world of bitter frowns and keep my smile in tact? How can I rise above?
I know this is more than I’ve ever done. I know there is some digging deep and real change that must take place. I know that is the secret. It is not the world that must change. It is me. I know. I know there are habits that must be broken. I know. It is a lot. This part of my life is a lot. I know. I must be more intentional than I have ever been.

My past must be complete, You say. It is weighing down my flight. I cannot ignore what has come before. I can not run anymore… I know.

It is the heaviness of words unspoken. Unfinished business weighs me down. Forgiveness must be given. Talks must be had. There is no way around it. It is the way of the butterfly. Light. No baggage. Clean and pure. It is not a “better than” kind of thing. It is just a me kind of thing. It is just what I have to do. It is just my calling.

And the Truth is, I know my calling. I am not confused about who I am. Sometimes my mind gets in the way, but in Truth, I know the voice of my own Spirit. I know how to connect with Guidance. I know these things. And so You guide me. Today. You are guiding me. Right now. Finish that which is on your heart…

My heart is a living part of me now… My Kind brought it back to life… And I feel so many things now. Mostly I feel compassion for those people who are in Love. I understand again.

You are connected to another, and you don’t want to break the bond, and I have no words of advice. I have no judgments. I have nothing to say except the advice I will give to my own self.

Love yourself, too. Fall in Love with your own Divine self. Love the dream that You had for your own self. Love it to life. Do not let the winds of the world make you forget. Add your own intention to the wind…

I have to make some phone calls now. Arguments must be finished now. Resentments ended. Action must be taken. Promises must be fulfilled. It is time for me to get to the business of flying and dancing. Yes, it is time for me to bring joy and beauty to the world. It is time for me to experience the surrender to the Divine Wind, which brings such ecstasy.

Although fear crouches around and doubt attempts its whispers, I call on something greater to take me through this time. I don’t know your real name, God. I don’t even know if you have a real name. So many religions and so many traditions call you so many things. I don’t know if You live in the sky or if You live in the prophets that have come and died or if You live in me and my own mind. I don’t understand much at all. I don’t know if there is a right way to pray and a wrong way to pray, but I know a little bit about how the mind works, and I know that the mind is just a system of programs designed to maintain and sustain patterns. And so I choose to rely on the Thing that created my mind, because I don’t want some of these old patterns. I don’t want some of these old programs.
I don’t want to be a zombie living under the ash of the city with grey skies. I want to be a butterfly. Intentional. Blessing everyone who crosses my path. Enjoying my very beauty and unity with all that is. And so You, Thing, God, Me, More Than My Mind… You, Creator of Synchronicity, Maker of Skies and Butterflies, I place my Will onto the wind, in unison with all that is.

I am willing to take flight. I am choosing to take flight. Here. Now. Today. In the midst of the whirlwind of life, I am choosing to Rise Above….

Ameen.

Day 435
Rising Above (On Taking Flight)

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