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Day 430 – Another Love Song

March 9, 2016

Hi there. I’m sitting at home, writing with my eyes closed… I need to get a new ergonomic keyboard. Mine broke. I’ve been listening to a song called “Another Love Song” today. It’s by a friend of a friend of mine, but they haven’t released it yet.

It’s has a beautiful lullaby-type melody, and part of the chorus is, “I’m gonna sing another love song for you/ Till the day you find your way home.”

I know my posts make me sound slightly schizophrenic. I’m up one day and down the next. And I know I’m slightly strange and unusual. I don’t care, though. I am OK with being human and expressing the full spectrum of my experiences…

So, I listened to this song today, “Another Love Song”, and it did something to me. You see, whoever wrote that song had to feel it first. She had to think about something that she had either imagined or experienced. And it was so pure and innocent. An innocent love. Two people finding their way home to each other’s hearts.

And I am thinking about Love. I’m thinking about all of my experiences. I’m thinking about the experiences of so many people who I know. I’m thinking about neighbor, who wants to come and stay with me, not because he has nowhere to stay, but because he wants to come and stay with me, because he thinks it’s possible that we can be more than friends if only… if only… I’m thinking of the guy who’s been trying to date me lately. A sweetheart who is in pain. He’s ending a relationship because – well, because he doesn’t really like the lady and he’s not in love with her. But he doesn’t want to be lonely and he’s afraid that he won’t meet someone who likes him as much as his girlfriend likes him.

And I’m thinking about My People, particularly because our relationship has always been nothing but innocent and I have always felt at home with him. I am knowing that I need to change the relationship dynamics with my neighbor and this new guy pronto: There is something untrue lurking. They want things that I will never give them, and yet they are around hoping that I will change my mind. And it gives me guilt. And although they are willing to give me things that My People is not willing to give me right now, I can not sing “Another Love Song” to them. My heart doesn’t open for them. And I don’t feel at home with them. And something deep within me knows that although they are nice and we get along, I am not safe in their arms.

You know, something in us always knows what the Truth is. Sometimes we get so disconnected and caught up that we can’t feel our compass anymore, but if we keep seeking the Truth, we will find it soon enough.

I miss My People. But more than missing him, I miss the innocent tone that I was creating in my life. I miss the pure love that was brewing in my soul. I miss the feeling of totally wanting to Love someone only because it would delight me to Love him. I miss knowing that there would be no tricks, no pulling of strings, no bullying, no betrayals and no secrets with another being. I miss knowing that I could possibly be with a man and there would be no stifling of my dreams or no cordoning of my freedom.

The untrue things will make you forget. They will make you forget your dreams. They will make you forget what is possible. They will cloud your judgement and disconnect you from the sound of your heart. They will fill you with fear and make you forget who you are.

I am alone in my bedroom-turned-office, but I am surprisingly not afraid. I am glad to have the space to hear my own thoughts. And I see, Lord, that You write the most beautiful stories. Here in the sanctity of the one place I call home, I will begin to craft my life anew, with Integrity, Love and Truth. And Strength. And Courage. And Faith.. It’s OK to be on your own sometimes. Sometimes you need to look yourself in the mirror – with no distractions or excuses – and see what you have made of this life. See what you have made of yourself. See what you are making.

And if you don’t like who you are so far, then become someone you like. Start over. Say sorry. Make amends and move on. It’s OK to be different today than you were yesterday. It’s called growth.

At some point, you will hear another love song and you will be able to feel the words. You will remember the innocence and the purity of your true, undefiled Self. And you will want, more than anything, to be a part of something good and true. And once you want to be a part of something good, well, the melody begins. You become hungry for Love. You become hungry for Truth. You long to make your life into something that you want to be a part of it and, no matter how long it takes, you will not stop until you find your way home.

Here’s to Love songs! May we keep singing…

Ameen

Day 430
Another Love Song

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From → The Renaissance

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