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Day 410 – No Guarantees

November 27, 2015

I had an epiphany this morning. I want to capture it in writing before it leaves me.

So… As you know, I’ve been struggling with different life things for quite some time. This morning it felt like there was an opening, like the clouds parted and I could see things very clearly.

I saw my life. I am in Hawaii right now. Yesterday made one month since I’ve been here. I got a job a week ago. An admin job with never-ending work. It’s the first job I’ve worked in over a year. I am glad to have a flow of income, but I am still not 100% healthy, so after work, I feel very tired, and most days I don’t do much when I get home besides talk to my family and go to sleep.

I mentally went over my goals this morning. Why did I come to Hawaii? I came here to get my life right and start moving in the direction of my heart’s desire. I wrote things down. I am supposed to be aligning myself with the Truth of my life, purifying and nourishing my body, mind and Spirit, refining my gifts, skills, and talents in order to prepare for my Divine life’s work, and creating a space for a Loving partner to come into my life. As far as actions go, I am supposed to be finished polishing my two feature films and start pitching them by the end of this year, and I am supposed to create a source of passive income and start paying off all my debts. Next year, I am supposed to shoot at least one of my films and go overseas to contribute to the help the international people project that I started a couple of years ago.

Now how am I going to go from here to there? Especially when I have the limitation of not being fully healthy and not having all of my energy? It’s like my energy runs on a battery these days. I plan to do certain things and then at some point, my battery just runs out, whether or not I’ve accomplished what I wanted to do in a day. I used to be able to push myself to finish things whether or not I was tired, but these days, it’s like I just can’t go any further once my battery runs out.

So, before I came to Hawaii, I made a list of things I would need in order to accomplish my goals:
-A stable living environment
-Low stress/emotional stability
-Income
-Practice as a writer/director.

I think I will also need to go and see a doctor, because I want my energy to go back to normal and I think it’s possible if I get the right kind of treatment/supplements.

So there you have it. This morning I was trying to figure out how I’m going to accomplish my goals, especially when I work a job that takes up most of my time and I have very little energy to do anything after work, but I need income… I didn’t have any good ideas. What could I do that wouldn’t make me too tired so that I could still focus on my writing and practice film stuff. And then I had an epiphany.

What if I could make money doing the film stuff that I Love to do? I know this is a no brainer, but I’ve never really tried it. What if someone could actually give me money to make my movie next year? Like, that’s what professionals do. People pay them to write and make movies. What would I have to do in order for people to pay me to write and make movies? Well, I would have to be good at writing and making movies. I’m all right right now, but honestly, I have the potential to be extraordinary.

But how would I make money? Like, this month? While I am practicing and getting better at my craft?

I prayed… And an idea started formulating in my head. And this is such a huge deal because it had never happened before! I saw myself making my movies! And being payed for it. And I saw how! And it was simple. Just focus on the doing the projects that I’ve already conceived. I have several projects. Some of them are movies, but others are books and songs and web content. Thinking about focusing on them is the scariest thing, because money is not guaranteed, you know? You can work on creative stuff for years and then you try to put it out and people just don’t like it. And so this is why sometimes it takes so long for people like me to really focus on their creative ideas, especially when we don’t have someone sponsoring us and we need money for stuff.

So, Allah, You told me to Trust You this morning. You told me to Trust that You are going to provide for me, and get to the business of becoming an expert in my field. Get to the business of doing my work.

And so I will. This job is not the way. It was. It opened the flow of income and had me back connected with the outside world. I was nervous at first and I wasn’t used to working with people.

-Stay connected, You say. But get connected in a way that moves you in the direction that Your Spirit is leading you. Reach out to the people I have told you to reach out to. Trust me Now. Trust me Now. You will be teaching others how to have faith after they have lost much. You will be healing many. But first you must heal yourself. First you must learn the lesson yourself. And this is the last lesson. This is the most challenging one, because We are scratching on the doorway of your heart. We are entertaining your deepest dreams and there is no guarantee that anything will happen. There is no guarantee that some wonderful man for you exists if you pass up the ones who are courting you now. There is guarantee that your creative work will be well received. There is no guarantee that any of the inspiration you are receiving is coming from a Divine source. So what will you do with no guarantees?
-Look at it this way. What exactly do you have to lose? What is your fear?
I will be an old woman with no family and no children who never accomplished anything.
-But you have accomplished much already.
But it was a long time ago.
-Do you believe that you will give your all in the direction that You are guided and nothing will come of it?
No.
-Well then, let Us do an experiment. You have nothing to lose right now. You made enough money to pay off your most pressing debt. Now, will you trust Me a bit? Let us focus on all the things you are guided to do. Let us do them. And see what happens. You did this before, and the results were staggering. And a man derailed you and you lost faith in Me. But let Us try again. You understand men better now. You understand Love better now. You are more discerning now and you understand the concepts of faith and commitment. Let us try again. There are no guarantees on this path, but on the other path, you are guaranteed to never reach your heart’s desire.

-So shall we? Shall we give our lives to the Great Calling that beckons our Soul? Shall we move towards the Truth of our being now, even when there are no guarantees? Are you ready, Laydie? Are you willing?

Yes, Yes, and Yes. YES…. Yes.
Ameen.

Day 410
No Guarantees

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From → The Renaissance

3 Comments
  1. SHUTTHATNEGATIVENOISEOFF! permalink

    Abundant blessings, Emma

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