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Day 394 – Dreams

May 9, 2015

For the past week or so, I have not had nightmares. Instead, I have had beautiful dreams of people I know. Dreams of my beloved Godson. A completion dream of Dream Lover.

This thing happens to me. I have this thing that I call “completion dreams”. Basically what happens is that I have a lovely, lovely dream about someone who I’ve had a painful relationship with in real life. In the completion dreams, the person who I was with inevitably does something lovely and kind, replicating the best moments we’ve had together in real life. In the dream, the person says sorry for everything and makes amends, and so do I. When I have these completion dreams, I wake up feeling like I’m in heaven, and something in me knows that I am finally at peace with the person I dreamed of.

Well, I had a completion dream of Dream Lover recently. For those of you who don’t know, Dream Lover was the last man that I would have gone to the ends of the Earth with. We broke up almost three years ago. I call him Dream Lover because his life was a dream and my relationship with him was a dream come true. He was an accomplished musician, but he made most of his money from doing real estate and farming. He was also an ordained priest in his religion and although he always seemed to have enough money to do anything he wanted, he never really cared about money. He would often perform for free and give all of his money to charities. He had done so much in his life. He had homes all over the world. And he was clean. Anal clean like me. We were both highly sensitive to bad smells. I loved the way he laughed loud with his whole body. I Loved the way he danced. I Loved his skinny little body and the way his breath smelled. And I Loved the fact that I never had to question whether or not I Loved him. I knew that I would pick him over all others no matter who came my way. Because he was my husband, and it was just that simple…

But we didn’t work out. He had flaws. And I saw them. He was scared of being vulnerable. And he was especially mistrustful of women. And I was scared of being vulnerable. And I was especially mistrustful of men. Eventually, we couldn’t bear the fear of being together. Neither of us could stand being so vulnerable and out of control. He lives all over the world, but he had been in my state for a time, and I had gone to visit him. I left to come home for no reason. I didn’t have a job at the time. There was no urgency. I just wasn’t sure if he wanted me there. And so I drove seven hours from the city he was in back to the city I live in. And on the road, he called me. He told me that needed to see me. And I told him to come see me, come for me, but he made no indication of coming. This was during the days that I cursed out men. I was so afraid that he wouldn’t come for me that I cursed him out and told him the meanest things that I woman could say to a man. And then he disappeared…

I have cried over him many times. How could he disappear? He used to call me his wife. I wrote him letters and called, but no response. Then one day I called him from a number that wasn’t mine, and he answered right away. I decided to let him be. Nothing had happened to him. He had just decided to part ways from me. Maybe it was because I called him a cowardly asshole among other things. Maybe it was because he couldn’t stand being out of control of his emotions. Maybe it was because he has a secret wife somewhere. I don’t know. But the other day he came to me in a dream. I haven’t seen him in years. But he came to me in a dream and he was just as sweet as could be. And he said sorry for everything. And I forgave him for everything. How could I not? When I awoke, I knew that it was finally over between he and I. It is time to find a new Love. His was the last completion dream. I have had completion dreams about every other man I’ve ever Loved, and Dream Lover was the last…

How do I feel? Freed… I figured out what do about evil, but I will address that another day. Suffice it say that evil no longer has a hold on me. I recognize its existence. I recognize the duality of darkness and light in everything, even myself, and I choose to respond to life’s circumstances according to how I am Guided. In my particular situation, I am Guided to pray, forgive, and take action, and I have done all those things. The rest is up to God.

My eleven-year-old niece was visiting me these past few days. One of the first things she said when she came into my apartment is that she wants me to have a husband. I hadn’t thought about this husband thing in a while, but she planted a seed of thought in me. I close my eyes and ask the Lord if there One with a heart big enough comfort mine… The Lord says Yes. In my new way of life, we begin with dreams. We do not look around and make decisions from what we see. We close our eyes until we can see answers in the dark. We close our eyes until we are clear about which direction to take next. Our dreams provide healings and omens and warnings. We close our eyes until we are clear about what is going on within us and until we are clear about what we would like to do with this thing called life.

I have been dreaming for some time, Lord, and I didn’t understand the relevance of it all. And now I know that You have been sending me messages all along. But the dream is only the beginning. After the dream you must act on the Guidance received. Now that Peace and Balance are being restored to my body, mind, and spirit… now that there are no more lost loves lingering in my subconscious mind… now that I know how to forgive… now that I know how to Love with all of me and now that I Love myself enough to only give myself to one who has demonstrated that he is willing and able to Love me with all of him… now that I literally look like I am aging backwards… now that I finally know what to do about evil and now that I am finally comfortable being nice and mean and vulnerable and strong and powerful and weak and soft and smart and dumb… now that I can fall down and get up and it’s all just the same to me… now that I am gentle with myself… now that I am fierce in my wisdom… now that I am honest, I am ready to act full out on the dreams and visions that You have already given me. There is nothing to be afraid of anymore. We have already hit rock bottom. We have already lost it all. And yet, we are still here. Dreaming. Even though they broke our hearts, we remain unbroken. Even though we were humiliated, we stand proud that we are still here. We are still here. Dreaming.

Let our dreams not go in vain. Let us be brave enough and humble enough to listen when we hear Your voice. I hear the mighty call of Joy and Love. I feel the winds of Success blowing this way again. And I close my eyes, but this time I dream on purpose. I add my conscious intention to the dreams that come. Let me stand in the fullness of my Being, I pray. I accept. I choose. Let my wildest Dreams become my reality. Let Love be my reality. Let Peace of Mind be my reality. Let me Be Loving. Let me Be Peaceful. I accept. I choose. Let Success be my experience once and for all. I choose to Be successful in the most Divine sense of the word. Let the life within me be the life without me…

I close my eyes and Dream… You say you have husband coming my way? Hmmm… OK. I accept. I choose. I close my eyes and Dream.

Ameen.

Day 394
Dreams

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From → The Life Divine

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