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Day 388 – Rivers

March 24, 2015

I see golden rivers… Parks, smiles, laughs. I see fun prayer and healing. I see success and innocence. I see Love so deep I have to grow up some more to receive it. I see babies. They are beautiful with golden eyes… I see a future with him.

I see us old and wise. We have loved so much in our lives. I see him. I see a future with him.

I am falling in love. Not yet, but already. The name is not important. The face is not important. Not yet. The possibility comes first. And I see it. I see the possibility for a glorious life and a glorious Love. I see it. I see my life. It is magnificent…

My body opens. Pains that have been with me long release. My blood is purified. Toxic chemicals derived from stress and pain plague me no more. I see myself healed. I hear the birds in the trees outside of my window. My life is a good life…

Thank you, Allah. I don’t know how I have come this far without dying, but I feel like You have spared me. And I must say Thank you. I commit. I commit to being an agent of Light in this world. I commit. There is really nothing else for me to do. I commit. I surrender. I let go. I choose to be an agent of Light in this world. This is what I choose for my life.

And the darkness doesn’t scare me anymore. It is all a part of the Grand Design. How did I get here with Peace in my mind? I try and track the process so that I may help others, but I know that everyone’s path is their own. Who was I before now? It is a vague memory, but I remember. Sadness. Confusion. Despair. Powerlessness. Self sabotage. I remember. Loneliness. Defeat. Betrayal. Abandonment. My old companions. I remember them well. I remember stank love. The kind of love that engages your passion and leaves you drained. The kind of love that steals your smile and peace of mind and makes you wonder if you are being punished all the time. It threatens you and smothers you all at once. I remember.

It is no longer me. That life is no longer my life. And today in my prayers I saw rivers. I saw a beautiful life and I was a part of it. And I am thankful for this vision…

I ask for the words from the deepest part of me. Let me be a vessel. Let Guidance flow to me, through me, and from me. I choose it. I accept it. I release it. Let Truth come from my lips. I know that we are here in the sanctity of our minds and thoughts and homes and the big, bad world lingers outside, but the big, good world lingers outside as well.

And as we dream of rivers we seek them. It is the only tool we have no matter what situation we find ourselves in: the sanctity of our Spirit and mind. Here, in our inner world, we can see the Truth if we seek it. Here we can be honest. Here we can choose. And as we choose rivers, all that does not lead us to rivers no longer interests us. And it becomes easy to say no and separate yourself from the aspects of your life that no longer support your intentions: intentions for Peace, intentions for Happiness, intentions for Love.

But we must dream of rivers first, because the outside world is powerful. And if you’re in between a rock and a hard place, you may see that in the outside world. You may see meanness and harshness and selfishness and disappointment. And you may experience trying hard and failing. And you may experience hunger and disappointment and betrayal. People may use you and your body may get sick. And you might get used to never quite being good enough. And you might get used to never really letting anyone know who you are. And you might get used to sad eyes and half smiles. And you will see them all around you. And you might start believing that this is the only way to survive in the world. But I tell you, that is not survival. That is death. And your tool to find your way back to life is on the inside. It is inside your mind and Spirit. In the sanctity of the one place that is still sacred: You.

Sit still long enough to hear your own voice. Sit still long enough to tell the truth. Don’t ask your mom or your whoever about what you should do. You can ask them later. Just for a moment, sit still long enough to know that you, too, can Source answers. You, too, have power. You may have to sit for a while. You may have to pray for a while. You may have to seek help. Seek it. But after you have found it, sit still and see the Truth for yourself.

Remember what you dreamed of before the pain. Remember who you were before the breakdown. Remember, even if it was long, long, ago, when there was something good about your life. Even if it was only for a moment. Remember. And once you have found the place in your mind and Spirit where you know who you are, do it again. And again. And again. You have to do it again. Because you are not strong in yourself yet. Keep dreaming. Keep praying. Keep sitting. Soon you will see a change. I promise… I promise.


Day 388


From → The Life Divine

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