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Day 387- Beyond These Walls (The Outside World)

March 19, 2015

This is my third time writing this entry. I’m gonna publish this one no matter how it turns out because I have to get started for the day.

I’ll close the eyes and ask the Lord to Guide… So much has happened this week. Love abounds. After all is said and done, Love still remains.

Hearts around me are being broken. People are hurting each other. I have been these places before. People are fighting to get control of the minds ands wills of others…

In my cocoon that I call my apartment, my Spirit is being restored. My mind is being restored. My health is being restored. After a year of sickness, I finally found the root of my problem, and I found a doctor who knows how to fix it, and I’ve been going there to help heal my body. And I’ve been going within to help heal my mind and spirit. And I have been healing, Thank God…

And although I am not completely well yet, my health is returning quickly. And as such, the world has found me. This weekend, I didn’t have to deal with my own problems, but I came face to face with the problems of others who are going through things that I have been through. And I had to use all of the skills I have been developing over the past couple of months. I had to be discerning and wise and loving yet strong. I had to be smart and I had to stand up in the fullness of my power so that I could fight for those who didn’t have the insight to fight for themselves. And the fullness of my power is not full yet, but it was enough to help others. And I am so glad. I was able to help others again. It was my initiation back into the world…

Outside of this apartment, the world goes on. And just because I have been able to make it out of the heart of darkness does not mean that others who are near to me are not struggling daily. The thought scared me for a moment. Once I get well, I am going to have to face the world and all of its problems again. And I am getting well fast. The fearful part of me wanted to stay sick so that I could just stay behind these walls with my friend and my books and my food and never have to deal with the madness outside. But the Truth in me knows that soon, even now while I am recovering, I will have to get back to the outside world. And it will not have changed just because I have. And I can not run away from all problems. So I will have to figure out how to be the new me in an old place… Hmmm…

I don’t have an answer yet. An old coworker of mine used to say, “ain’t nothing to it but to do it”. I did an alright job engaging with the people I engaged with. Overall, I would give myself an “A minus” on my performance. It’s not an “A plus” because at some point I got caught up in some of the drama and I allowed it to affect me. I think for at least two days, I didn’t do my prayers and my friend/roommate brought to my attention that I was beginning to be distant and cold and mean to men (all three of the people who came my way this weekend were having problems with men). My friend was right. I was getting distant and I didn’t even know it. But he caught it. I nipped it in the bud, said my prayers, and life is better than ever. The people who came my way this weekend are safe for now and their lives will be just fine. They are on their own paths with their own lessons to learn, but we are all in this together. We are all in this together.

I am proud of the way I handled things this weekend. I did good. I am grateful that I have a mean-looking man with a heart as gentle as a dove as my protector and friend. I know that the challenges I faced this weekend are nothing compared to what may lie in store for me beyond these walls, and so I turn within to prepare myself. We will not go back to where we were. Our salvation lies in the Truth within and our ability to Source that Truth and act on it. And so I use these last days behind my wall to hone my skills, to get well, and to practice living in the world but not being of it. For surely, therein lies the secret.

The secret to maintaining change once you are reintegrated into the outside world is to remember the vision you saw when you closed your eyes. Remember. Remember the love that you saw. Remember the types of relationships you had. Remember the type of work that you did. Remember your purpose. Go back and see it again. Daily. Until your vision of your dreams fulfilled is an imprint in your brain. And once your vision is imprinted in your brain, go back and revisit it. Daily. Until your actions are in alignment with the vision you had. And once your actions are in alignment, go back and revisit your vision daily. Because the world will make you forget and you will get caught up in the confusion that surrounds us all if you do not take time to establish Truth and Clarity in your own mind.

I prepare for life beyond these walls. I strengthen my health and my mind and spirit. I know that when the time comes, God, I will be ready to live life in a way that I have never lived before. I take action now, so that I may practice while I have a friend who provides a mirror and a safe space for me.

God, I thank You for sparing my life. I thank You for allowing me to see good days. I am so grateful. I am your servant and I will bring this light that grows in me wherever I go. I will never forget what I am learning here within these walls. Thank you so much for my life. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Ameen.

Day 387

Beyond These Walls (The Outside World)

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From → The Life Divine

One Comment
  1. Sumaameen

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