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Day 384 – To Be Moved

February 26, 2015

I just wrote an entry about the purpose of life and deleted it. Whenever I don’t write in a while, I have to take a moment to sort things out before I write the real blog. I’ve been out in the world living lately. And I must say, for the first time in a long time, I’ve been living my life in the company of people and things have been going well.

A friend came to stay with me and help me for a little while. Yes. A friend. I have a friend. As I write these words, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. In the past few months I have been taken care of. Friends and family have brought me food, sent me money, checked on me, encouraged me, taken me on outings and just showed me so much Love. Of course, in the midst of it all, there were a few people who disappointed me, tried to take advantage of my vulnerability or just flat out showed that they could care less if I lived or died, but they don’t matter. They are not the whole story. The whole story is that, at the lowest time of my life, I found out that I have a support system. I found out that I have friends. I found out that I am cared for. I didn’t eat breakfast this morning and my friend just made some food to make sure that I eat. I’ve never known Love like this before… I haven’t felt this Loved and cared for since I was a little child.

Thank You, Allah.

Good day World. I wish I could give you something Lovely. All I have is my words and my self, and I am nothing at all. But if my words don’t speak to you, then feel my energy. And if my energy doesn’t move you, then let something else move you. Let something else move you. If you are not at Peace with your life, if your relationships have gone awry and you struggle with pain and feelings of guilt and betrayal. If you have been rejected and have gotten used to feeling worthless… If nothing just seems to be going your way and it has been a while since anything has gone your way, so long that you don’t even know what that feels like. If your health is not healthy, if your money is not flowing, if you are lost and don’t know how to get from here to there, then let something move you.

You have to let it. I am a stubborn one, and so it took the breaking down of my health for me to stop going in the direction I was going in life. It took a near death experience for me to realize that I really needed to be Loved and I really needed to be Loving. It took the true loss of income for me to be humble enough to ask for help. And it took the thwarting of my will over and over again to recognize that some things had to change. Namely, I had to change. Not my mother or my siblings. Not the men who have been in my life. Not my job or my apartment manager. Me. I had to stop fighting people. I had to let go of all of the sad, sad thoughts and feelings that I’ve been carrying all these years. I had to open my heart and be vulnerable so that people could come in and Love me. I had to give. Give my voice, give my Love, give my words, give whatever I could give. I had to let myself be moved.

And I have. And I am. I haven’t felt this way in years. Life flows through me. Life flows through me. Life flows through me. I am remembering this thing called passion, lost long ago. I feel flickers of it every now and then. And my heart! This is the best thing. My heart is easy and free. There is no lurking pain. There is no resistance to openness. Wisdom lives in me finally. It is new, not even born yet, but it is growing in me. And my words are more kind these days. And my actions begin with the intention for the highest possible results for all involved. And my days begin with a surrendering to All That Is. I ride the waves of change with ease, for even in stormy weather I know that Life is Good. I know this at last. And I am Moved.

Thank you so much, Allah. Ameen.

Day 384
To Be Moved

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From → The Life Divine

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