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Day 376 – The Unfoldment

January 14, 2015

A very interesting morning.

I spent the past few hours with the Vibrant One. I don’t have a name for him yet, as I don’t know where he fits or where he is going to fit in this puzzle called my life. Sir Exigent, maybe? No. Perhaps I will call him The Unfolder. But in French because his first language is French. Sir Deplier. It fits. Don’t ask me why he must be a Sir, but something about him seems like the knights of old: Sure and Brave, Flawed yet Convicted…

I am at my alma mater now, in one of the old fashioned libraries. Some trusting student just asked me to watch her computer. I guess I should be flattered. People always ask me to watch their stuff when they walk away and go to bathrooms. Why don’t they ever think I’ll steal their stuff?

But I digress. I can always tell when life is changing by the people who enter and exit my personal circle. This new guy, Sir Deplier, is someone who I had met once a year ago. He was visiting a friend of mine and my friend invited me, Sir Deplier, and my sis out for the evening. We all went out to eat and then we went dancing. Sir Deplier and I had a really good time. We both speak French, so I was talking to him in French most of the night and just joking around. When the night was over, we said goodbye and parted ways. He was returning to his native country in a few days and said that at some point he was going to come back to LA and relocate here. I didn’t think much of it. He was a cute and nice guy, but too far away for me to even consider the possibility of any kind of relationship with him. But we became Facebook friends. Less than a week ago, just as I was coming out of my deep dark depression and writing about warrior things, I got an email from him on Facebook. He said he was back in LA and wanted to meet up for a coffee.

So we met. We had tea, not coffee, and talked about the meaning of life. He had moved to LA in order to realize a childhood dream. We sat across a table from each other, and after he had told me about all of the hopes and fears that are typical of an immigrant life and expressed his deepest heart’s desires, he asked, “Do you believe in me?” A rush of energy flooded my belly and rose up to my head. Yes, I said. I did. I did believe in him. It was the weirdest thing. I had agreed to go with him this morning to help him get a California ID card and we prayed together before he left.

That was two days ago, and in between then and now, I had to stop and think about things. These men can just come up in your life and have you going crazy if you let them, so I had to assess what was going on here. Who was this guy and what was he doing in my life? What did he want? He hadn’t really hit on me during our coffee date, although he was very clear that he likes me as a person. The old me would have called him or sent him a text asking about his intentions for me, but for some reason, I decided not to go that route this time. Because, for once, his intentions for me really didn’t matter. God and I are the directors of my life, so the real question was, what were my intentions for me and was interacting with him in alignment with the goals I had set for my own life?

I prayed about it, and the Lord said that yes, interacting with him was a good thing. For once, I didn’t decide whether or not I wanted to marry a guy within two days of meeting him. For once, I didn’t already put him in a place. For once, I am relaxing and allowing life to unfold. And this can be a tricky thing to do. Because we want things. I want a husband and kids and a family. And I can’t believe I’m writing this, but I don’t want to make him my husband if he’s not my husband. And I will know if he is my husband or where he fits into my life once more information is presented…

And I don’t know what is happening to me. I am different now.

More than being excited about the possibility of having a potential husband in my life, I am excited about the possibility of having reciprocal conversations with someone. Today we walked around town like two young college friends, speaking our hearts, joking and telling our life stories. At one point I didn’t want to share certain information with him and he said, “Why not free yourself and give it all?” and I understood. I have met someone who is at the same place at the same time as me. We are different, of course, but we can speak the same language, we can pray together and we can both understand the necessity of making wholehearted decisions. Nothing else will really do at this point.

That’s what today’s blog is about. It has taken me more than twenty years to figure this out. They have written about it in books for years and I finally get it. Decisions. Where there is conflict in one’s decision, there is conflict in one’s life. I see it every day. I see it in my own life. You are never really free if you want to stop and you want to move at the same time. Your mind stays in dissonance and your life reflects it. And if you have a life partner who is conflicted about being with you, it is reflected in your relationship. They will cheat or lie or keep secrets or be unhappy or not give you all of themselves, etc…

Being able to make a real decision and stick to it until you have done all you can do to accomplish it is one of the major secrets to success and I have finally come to the place where I am able to do this. And God, You have sent me a Friend, at least. I have met an equal, another sure-footed warrior who’s choices are unwavering, another Brave soul who follows Your voice. I have met someone who is a respecter of life…

It has just been one moment in time, but it is enough to give me enough hope to take me to the next moment in time, wherever it may be and whoever it may be with.

There is an unfoldment taking place. I have never lived like this before. I have never just done my part and trusted and let life unfold.

Before we parted today, Sir Deplier asked me what I would like for my life. “Love and Success,” I said. Then he made an offering. He said he prays for Health and Peace for me, and that I should take care of my Success and Love will follow… I believe him.

And I am grateful. Today is a day to celebrate. The day you can look back at all you have been through in your life and realize that all of that is over… all of that is over… all of that is over… all of that is over…. A new life is unfolding. The day you can look back at all you have been through in your life and realize that all of that is over and a new life is unfolding is a day to celebrate.

Let’s celebrate. We are finally here now. We are finally in the moment and in the process without looking forward or backwards. We are here. Now. It’s a good thing. Thank you, God. It’s a good thing.

Ameen.

Day 376
The Unfoldment

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