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Day 375 – Warrior Things

January 11, 2015

Hi there!

I have been trying to post a blog for a few days now, but every time I get ready to publish, it freezes.

My body is tingling everywhere. How is it possible that I’m on sick leave from work, I’ve been in my house for the majority of the time for the past few weeks, there are very few people in my personal circle, and yet so much happens in a day? So much happens in a day.

We are energetic beings, each one impacting the other, and I am smiling and tingling right now because a vibrant soul reached out to me via email today. I am electrified by the thought of the possibility of being around vibrant people again. And I am grateful just for this thought. Thank you, God.

I don’t have a topic in mind yet, except that I want to write a blog today and finish it. Since my last writing, I have only been breaking down more and more, crying over this, that and the other. Who would have thought there was so much to cry about? This is what happens when you repress all of your emotions and feelings for years and years. One day, if you’re lucky, it comes out. And I am lucky. I am glad that everything is finally coming out… Whew…

Let’s start again, shall we? Shall we do warrior things now? I had given up on warrior things long ago because I was tired of being strong and responsible and always being the one everyone relied on and not having anyone to rely on myself. But my sickness has taught me something. There are people in the world that I, too, can rely on. They are warriors just like me! I had to reach out to them in my darkest hour, because I knew that only strong and wise and Loving people could help and so I let myself be vulnerable and I reached out. And I found out that I am Loved. And I am not alone. I found out that God is Gracious after all and even warriors can be Loved.

And so now that I don’t have to associate being a warrior with being alone and unsupported, I think I can give this weak chick stuff a break and get back to doing warrior things again. I’ve been out of practice, but I still remember how to push through and keep walking when your mind starts filling you with doubts. And I still remember how to get off the bed even when you’re depressed or tired. I remember how to pray! Oh, do I know how to pray! And I remember how to Love and be open even when I’m scared. I remember bravery. And I remember the days, once upon a time, when I used to get things done.

It is time to return. It is time to fight for what we believe in and who we are. But our way is not the way of the sword. Our way is the way of Truth and Love and Faith. Not cotton candy popcorn Truth, but the kind of Truth that can see a seemingly broken woman lying on the bed crying her life away and tell her with conviction that she is not broken! The kind of Truth that can stay a steady course, unwavering, even as one’s body falls apart. The Kind of Love that can and must and will Forgive everything, cast no judgement and yet honor oneself. And the kind of Faith that stands up tall even in the darkest night, knowing that victory is indeed ours.

These are Warrior Things, and I am an initiate. Allah, from this day forward, I fight for my life. Yes, I fight. I accept Power. I accept Strength. I accept Responsibility. I choose to be responsible again. I accept Progress and Success. I choose to move forward in life again, and never backwards. I am willing to release the past. I am willing to release all that is does not serve the Highest Possible Good for all involved. I am willing to be Divinely guided and I am willing to follow Guidance once received…

There is so much to write about. I am learning a lot. I am humbled. I am grateful to be alive. The world can be hard, but it can be Lovely, too. People can be mean, but you can be surprised by kindness from places least expected. Today I recommit myself to the land of the living. With your permission, God, I breathe New Life into my weary bones. I stand up and walk as the Warrior Queen that You designed me to be: gentle, fragile, kind, so loving, peaceful, strong, powerful, balanced, wise. A new Life is being birthed. A new self-identity is blossoming. We are whole. All parts of us now embark on a new journey. Even the sadness has its place. The mystic in us awakens. The alchemists collects her tools. The dancer stretches. The leader stands tall. The sweet child finds comfort in her other warrior peoples. As Sade says, we didn’t suffer in vain. No… The angels sing. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. The angels sing, and I sing, too.

Hallelujah.

Ameen.

Day 375

Warrior Things

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