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Day 367 – The Land Of The Living

October 26, 2014

I must admit. I love being at home in my cocoon.

Since my brother left, I have spent so much time in my apartment reading, praying, sleeping, watching old TV shows that I’ve never watched… I turn my phone on silent and face down on the weekends. Sometimes I don’t look at it ’till after three. I Love, Love, Love going on adventures in my mind.

I know. I can’t spend my weekends lounging around the house and drinking peppermint tea forever, but, oh, it has been so nice…

Today I spent hours contemplating limitlessness and the land of the living. This new guy I met, The Old Prophet, has me looking at life so different. He is like no other man I’ve ever met. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve met smarter men, taller men, men who are more handsome, more successful and more worldly. I have known people who are much more fun to be around. But The Old Prophet is different than every other man I’ve met in and been with one way: he is ready and available. With the exception of the one guy who actually got down on his knee and proposed to me with an engagement ring years ago, all of the guys who I have ever dated have only spoken about being ready.

They have only ever spoken about marriage and children and lives together. And then they have disappeared, run away, taken unseen engagement rings back to stores at the slightest sign of disturbance. In retrospect, I see that they (nor I) were ever really ready to have the kind of love that we had imagined.

But The Old Prophet… Well, he is old. And he’s a prophet. LOL. And he’s not afraid of anything. And he would never disappear… I know this like I know my very breath. And he speaks to me about marriage and children. He feeds me apples and listens when I talk. And I know he prays for me every day. And when I sit across from him, he opens himself for me to see into his eyes. I can never hold his gaze, but he holds mine nonetheless. “This is what it feels like when a man is ready,” I think to myself. And I realize that I have never known this feeling before.

Good afternoon world. We are entering the land of the living. My heart beats fast just thinking about it. Today I spent time imagining what life would be like if life were really limitless. If I could really do and be anything with this physical incarnation I call my life, what would I be and do? I asked all parts of myself: body, mind, Spirit, emotions. I looked at my physical surroundings. What would I do? Where I would be? Who would I do it with?

Oh, I had such Lovely visions! I have never dared to dream on that level, without limitations, but I dreamed! I would be a writer. I would work on projects all the time: movies, books, songs, commercials. And I would have money. Money would never be an issue. I would have all debts paid in full and I would get everything with cash. I would help people. In addition to my writing projects, I would be active in my heal the world project, but I would also help other people who have their own heal the world projects. Empowering the disempowered would be a life-long adventure. Oh, and I would Love and be Loved! This was the hardest part for me to envision, but I did it.

I envisioned Love. Unabashed Love. Unconditional Love. It was so Lovely. I took snippets of things that have happened in my real life to fuel my imagination. Drinking tea in a house by a lake with Dream Lover. Chasing my little nephew at a park just after he learned how to run. My sis doing the whole birthday surprise thing for me. Sitting with Mr. Producer and talking about writing. Dancing and dancing and dancing with my girlfriends… Smiling really big after going out on a fantastic date. A beloved holding me after I had lost my apartment… I thought of all the good things, all of the Love, all of the beauty I have experienced. I thought of how I look when I have nice clothes and my hair and nails and eyebrows are done. I thought of how beautiful my living spaces have been when I actually took the time to decorate them with Love. I thought of how much fun it used to be to teach those horribly bad kids I used to teach. I would be so excited to make lesson plans. And they would be so excited to come to class.

In my visions, I saw a home somewhere. More than one bedroom. A backyard. An avocado tree. Fruits and vegetables. There was a child and another on the way — I can barely write this. There was a man who Loved me. He wasn’t going anywhere. He was never going to hurt me. He was only going to Love me more as time went on. And he was going to let me give him all the Love I have. It was a lot, but he could handle it…

Welcome to the land of the living, You tell me, God. I haven’t dreamed in years. But more than that, I haven’t actually thought that my dreams could come true in… I don’t know if I’ve ever really thought that my dreams could come true. And clothes! I haven’t had new clothes in years! Or adorned my body and my home in years! I can be real pretty when I want to be, but I haven’t wanted to be…

Anyway. Now I do. Now I want to be. The best that I can be. Yes. I want to be the best that I can be. I accept this initiation. I accept the fulfillment of these visions and even more. I accept, God. I accept, I accept, I accept, I accept, I accept, I accept, I accept.

I am entering the Land of the Living.

And so it is. Ameen.

Day 367
The Land Of The Living

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