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Day 366 – $22.10 (The Cost of A Revelation)

October 21, 2014

Speaking of entry points… Wow.

So… after my last blog entry, I got an awesome opportunity to practice what I preach. I received my bimonthly check from work. I was expecting enough money to pay my rent, pay back some debt, buy a plane ticket, give some folks some money. Instead, I received a check for $22.10.

Yes, twenty-two dollars and ten cents. For two weeks worth of work. My job screwed me. While I was on sick leave, I had requested to get paid for those two weeks using leave time I had available. When I came back to work, I saw on my timesheet that they hadn’t coded me to be paid for those two weeks. So I went all the way to the highest level of management to rectify the situation. I filled out a bunch of paperwork and was assured that I would get paid. And then my check came. $22.10.

When I told management about the check, they said that the only way I could get paid immediately is if I agreed to a 35 percent tax cut on my check… So, I will be waiting until the end of the month to get paid. I was livid, depressed, angry… I felt defeated and worried.

And then I remembered my own words. Entry points. I looked for a deeper realization of truth in the situation, and the truth slapped me in the face just like that twenty-two dollar check. It’s time to go. It’s time to do something different with my life now. I mean, it’s time to do my life now.

It is hard to see past a situation when you are in it. Doubts flood my mind. If I quit my job, what will I do? How will I pay rent? What about all of my debts? And my good good insurance? How I will I get any of that again? Fears and doubts. They flood my mind and keep me from submitting the resignation letter that I had conceived of five days ago.

I come here now for truth. I come here now to see past appearances. I just had the notion that someone is rewriting this blog. It’s OK. Thank you… But I digress.

I come here, Most High, seeking Your Guidance and Authority. We have crossed over to the other side of happy and the world that we knew is falling apart right in front of our eyes.

And this is the fun part.

This is the part where we get to practice all that we have known. This is the part where we experience for ourselves the miracle of transformation. And we start with our eyes closed, so that we can see beyond what we see.

Beyond our homes. Beyond the current state of our relationships. Beyond our neighborhood, beyond our place of work. We close our eyes that we may see the truth of our lives. We close our eyes that we might remember why we are here. In this place. In this neighborhood. In this relationship. At this moment in time. Has this experience served it’s purpose?

– Yes

And is it time to move on?

-Yes

And what did you gain? And what did you give in this?

I learned about God. I learned about Peace. I learned about releasing the past and completing relationships and forgiveness. And I gave Love. So much Love. I gave Love on purpose at last.

You see, every act is an act of creation. Whether you lie on the bed, write a blog, have sex, abstain, move, stay, quit, keep going… let go, hold on… All of it matters. And every moment is creating the next moment.

As we close our eyes, we do not see the circumstances that confound us, we see the vast light ahead of us. We see the entry point that we are standing at. The darkness is behind us. For now. It will come again as we reach new heights. And these entry points will only become more vast and more wide. With each episode, with each chapter of our lives, we emerge lighter, wiser, and more open, if we choose for it to be that way.

And I choose for it to be that way.

As I close my eyes, I am standing on an open field. Children run towards me. I can barely write this. My children… They are happy and beautiful. They are so happy… Behind me is a house. A man is coming home soon. Our bills are paid and we do good work in the world. I have seen versions of this scene before, in other people’s lives. Never have I seen it as my own. This, You say, is what I am stepping into. This is the Truth I am looking at.

Mind entertains doubts. “Fiction!” it screams. And for once we put mind in check. No. You don’t get to run things this time. This time, we start with Spirit. Truth is, everything to come from this point forward is fiction, dear mind. We have never seen any of it. We have never been this happy before. We have never been this free. We have never Loved so much. Our relationships have never been so good. We have never been this honest. So all of it, everything from now on is based on make believe. What we make, and what we believe.

I know, this entry is all over the place. I didn’t start out with a topic in mind and am just letting the thoughts and inspiration flow through. Bear with me please. I don’t want to delete this entry and start over or edit it, because the truth is, there are times when you have to walk through the fog in your mind before you can get some clarity. You just have to walk through it.

Don’t believe the shit. $22.10 my ass. Don’t believe it. Circumstances will make you think that your world is falling apart, but if you look past the appearances, you might just find that everything is actually falling together. Let it. I know it’s scary, maybe the scariest thing ever. You don’t know what will happen next. You don’t know how you will survive, but look at it this way. You know what will happen if things stay the same. They will stay the same.

Let this new thing that is calling you forward bring you forward. Upward. Onwards. Let it awaken your Soul. There is life in you yet. Oh, let yourself experience how brilliant you are. Let yourself experience how strong you are. Let yourself know that Grace can find you in spite of all that has happened. Grace can find you. Yes, even you. Let it. Let it come together now. Let it fall apart now. It is All coming together. It is all falling apart.

What I have discovered is that in the midst of all of the breaking down and falling apart and pain and despair and confusion… In the midst of all of that, if you just take a moment to look for it, you will find hope. It is the last thing to die and I would posture that if you are still alive, then it means that hope is still alive. Grab ahold of it and let it lead you on…

Ameen.

Day 366
$22.10 (The Cost of A Revelation)

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