Skip to content

Day 358 – The Nice People

August 29, 2014

So…

I wrote a completely different blog and then got a text message from a friend.

I had edited a friend’s poetry book a while ago. He’s a visual artist among other things. We had made an agreement that I was going to edit his poetry book and he was going to draw pictures for my children’s book.

Well, after I edited the book (and recommended the title that he is now using), he told me that he didn’t feel like drawing the pictures. He said he just wasn’t feeling it. I really Love his visual style and when I wrote my children’s book, I had imagined his pictures, so I was hurt and disappointed and angry. He said he was willing to pay me for the editing job, but I think I just cursed him out or something. That was years ago.

Fast forward to this year. I had found a new illustrator for my children’s book, but the new illustrator was having a creative block and wasn’t producing. In the years in between, my friend and I had gotten back on speaking terms, and I approached him about drawing pics again. Again, he said he wasn’t feeling it. And again he offered to pay me. This time I said yes and asked him to pay me. He said he would work something out. This was months ago.

Last week I had asked said friend to help out with my commercial shoot and he said no and yesterday I had asked said friend to spend time together so we could have a conversation and he said yes and then cancelled. Then this morning I went on Facebook and found out that said friend would now be putting the book I edited into bookstores. I was incredulous. So I sent him a text message asking him when he was going to pay me. He said soon, and then I asked him for a specific date.

Then he asked me for my address so he could mail me the money…

He lives fifteen minutes away from me.

-_-

More than being angry, I am hurt… I want to teach him a lesson, but I will pray for him instead. I will punch a wall instead of punching him in my thoughts, because the truth is, I Love him anyway.

It has been years since this particular person has been a friend to me, you hear me? Years. I have been sitting around hoping and waiting and giving and sharing and caring and thinking that one day, I would need him and he would come. Just for me. And I am hurt because I know that he never will.

And I am even more hurt because I knew this a long time ago and I kept him as a friend nonetheless. I am angry with myself for keeping such assholes in my inner circle for so long.

There is this thing that I’ve been trying to figure out for some time. How does one be nice and not get used? I have tried being mean and closed up and hard, and that works. Nobody uses you or takes advantage of you, but it hurts. Something in me hurts when I am so closed up. And I have tried just being nice and loving and then I get stupid friends like the one I spoke of or many of the guys I know who, because you are kind to them, seem to forget to notice that you exist as a person independent of their needs and wants and that you need kindness, too.

I am tired of hating men, you see. And I am tired of being mean. And I am tired of being nice and used.

And I know there must be a solution to it all. Here you have it: my epiphany for the day. To the nice people: Just don’t be friends with mean people. You can be nice to mean people, but don’t be friends with them.

Give them a dollar from a distance. Pray for them. Send them packets of Love and don’t expect anything back. Remember the good in them. See the good in them in spite of their meanness, but don’t expect them to be good to you or see the good in you.

They are mean people, remember? They are broken and bitter. Get a job where you help them if your heart has that compassion, but demand niceness when you go home. Demand consideration from the ones you bring close. Demand that they cook you soup and know your birthday. Demand that you can call on them when your car breaks down and you don’t always have to make an appointment when you are in need. Demand that they notice when there is pain in your voice or your hair is getting thin. Just demand niceness when it comes to the ones you bring close…

If you want to maintain niceness in a mean world and not become a bitter, broken, used-up soul, then you have to create a world of niceness where you can renew and remember. Where you can be yourself and be accepted. Where you can trust again. Where you know that you can turn around and no one will stab you in the back. At least at home. At least in your inner circle. It is so important.

If you demand niceness, and give niceness, the people in your life will change the way they treat you, or they will disappear.

My “friend” can disappear if he likes. He’s an asshole. I’m sure he will get back to being his lovely self one of these days. And he can come back around when he’s done being mean. I’ll send him prayers on the wind and gifts from afar until then. I’ll let him know that I Love him anyway, but you really can’t be my friend and treat me any old kind of way. It just won’t do. It just won’t do…

There is something wonderful about recognizing that you deserve kindness. You deserve kindness, ok? Life isn’t only supposed to be one-sided. You deserve kindness. You’re a good person. You just gotta ask for it. Give it first and ask for it… Ameen.

Day 358

The Nice People

Advertisements

From → The Alive Part

Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: