Day 352 – Come Freedom, Come.

Hi there.

For the past few days, I’ve been writing long blog entries and then before I can finish, someone calls and I have to take the call or I have a meeting or something. I know it’s just my delay tactic. It’s me not wanting to be done.

Good evening. So much has transpired since my last entry. I went to a women’s retreat called “Sojourn To Truth”. Over 300 women gathered out in nature and took a moment to consider what they would like to do with this thing called life. We prayed together, meditated, went out to the ocean at dawn, confessed, sang together, danced and allowed ourselves to recognize that we could be supporters and we can be supported on our paths. We accepted support. The retreat also had several body healers. Everything from massage to acupuncture to Angel therapy. I went to myofascial body healer and I had to leave the retreat after he worked on me. I got off of his table with a new body. All of the pains that I have had for over eight months were gone. I couldn’t even walk straight. I asked him if the healing would last and he said that it depends on what I do and who I surround myself with…

Five days later, tonight, I am home. I just finished a prayer that took about two hours. I really Love to pray and meditate. I know it sounds weird, but I Love to be able to sit down and close my eyes and see what else there is in the world besides all of things I see on the outside world. Imagine if I didn’t pray. Imagine if I didn’t imagine. I would be plumb crazy if the only things I believed in were the experiences that I’ve seen with my own two eyes. I read spiritual books and stories of other people’s lives. I pray and meditate and I am transported to another realm of existence. And from there I can see the direction that my life is going. I can speak the direction that I want it to go.

This past week, two guys from my past contacted me. I can’t make this stuff up. They are both guys that I grew up with. They didn’t even make it to my list of men I need to get closure with because we were never really in relationships. One of them had asked me to marry him before I came to Cali, and the other was someone a relative had tried to hook me up with and I didn’t want to be with. I haven’t talked to either of them in more than three years and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that they have reached out to me now. Although I had not been holding on to them, they had been holding on to me, and I had said a prayer to God asking to be Free. Energy is energy. It only makes sense that they would call me now. Thank you, God, for the opportunity to part ways with Peace and Understanding.

Tomorrow I am leaving to visit the Man who initiated the falling apart of all things known, the one who broke my heart, which caused my mind and spirit to break which caused my life to fall apart which caused me to cry every day which caused me to write this blog. Things have come full circle. My life was changed after the first time I left him, and I’m sure it will be changed after this visit. This time, I am not afraid, though. I look forward to what is to come. It can only be Freedom because this is what I have prayed for. Freedom. To be without blockage. Like my body feels. The euphoria is wearing off, but for a moment I felt what it was like to be completely free in my body. Without blockage. Soon I will know what it is like to be completely free in my Heart and Spirit…

I thought this blog was about getting out of depression and it was, and it is, but You see, getting out of depression was only the beginning. The next part is Freedom. The next part is life on the other side of happy. Yes! I know, everyone doesn’t want to live like this. I know everyone doesn’t care. I go to work with people who don’t care every day. I walk down the streets and feel the aura of broken souls every day of my life. And I get it. Maybe I’m a little different or weird or whatever. Maybe I am a fool for believing that a life of happiness and Love and integrity, a life where one is totally in alignment with the calling of one’s soul, a life where all needs are met, a life of passion and truth, a life filled with joy and mutual goodwill are possible. But I believe it. Maybe I’m a revolutionary.

I am willing to keep working until this life that I believe is possible becomes my life. I am willing to keep digging until all the skeletons come out of the closet, until all the moths fly free from my heart. I am alive, You see. We are alive! We are alive! We are alive! The storms didn’t kill us and we stand here more vibrant than we’ve ever been, more wise than we have ever imagined. Strong and gentle. Open. We stand here humbled. Grateful. Kind. We understand that we, too, are co-creators of our destiny. Freedom, Come Now. We are willing to Live. We are Choosing to Live. Come now. We can handle you now. Oh, come Freedom. Please. Come…

Ameen.

Day 352

Come Freedom, Come.