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Day 334 – Give It Some Time (Consistency)

June 28, 2014

Hi there.

I messed up. I missed a day. Feel so bad about it. I tried to squeeze in the time yesterday, but I didn’t I was on “go” all day, from 3am, rewriting my script, submitting to programs and people, working the 9-5, and then I had to get ready to go out of town, then when midnight came, I was still on the road.

I’m sorry. I really want to be more disciplined. I could have squeezed something in while driving or something. I wasn’t driving. I could have made it a priority to keep my word to myself. But I didn’t. I will try harder. And do twenty pushups for punishment.

Good day world. I’m out of town. In Vegas. They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, so I won’t tell you all that’s happening, except I’m having a really good time so far. I haven’t been to a cultural dance class in over eight months, since I got sick, but I went to one today. I danced my butt off and sweated so much. And I don’t feel sick, which is fantastic. It means I’m finally getting back healthy. I ran into this girl who I’ve been following on Facebook. She sells homeopathic beauty and wellness products. I don’t know her, but I had just been talking about her to a friend, saying how I wanted to order her products on line, and voila, here she is at a random dance class in Vegas, with a bag full of products!

Guys like me these days, which is awesome. My life tends to be either feast or famine. Been kind of horrible in man land for some time, so it’s nice to be approached and courted (yes courted) by men who don’t seem like characters from a movie about abuse.

I don’t know who’s gonna be my husband, or if it will even be any of the people who are currently showing me interest, but I think I’m gonna have one. Funny, for the past couple of weeks, everywhere I go, I’ve been meeting ready guys. Guys who are asking me when I’m getting married and when I’m having kids. Guys who are talking about wanting these things in their lives in the very near future. And most importantly, guys that are nice. They come bearing gifts. Little things like candles and water, compliments and phone calls.

I had almost gotten used to the assholes who sit around and wait for women to chase them. The ones that sit on the side and try to see how high you can jump before they even consider offering one bit of themselves to you, poking and criticizing all the while… The ones who don’t see me for who I am in any form or fashion…

Anyway, Good afternoon World. Nina Simone has a verse in one of her songs. “Please be patient with your life. It’s only morning and you’ve still to live your day.” I can’t wait till I’m completely healthy and my skin is clear. I can’t wait ’till my movies and books come out. I can’t wait ’till I find and marry and awesome beautiful man. I can’t wait ’till I get my money completely in order. I can’t wait ’till I am completely free of depression. I’m gonna’ testify; tell it on a mountain.

Maybe our world has a lot of pain and misery. Maybe there is confusion everywhere. Maybe the people who sleep in peace every night are few and far in between. Maybe sleeping in peace isn’t your thing anyway. But whatever your thing is, just give it some time. The secret is consistency. Keep at it and keep at it and keep at it, and if you flounder and miss a day, if you mess up, get back up and keep at it again. Set a goal and keep at it until you see it come to pass. Give it some time. It may take a life. You may have a couple decades worth of a damaged self-image to repair. You may have an addiction to self-destruction that takes a while to break. Sadness may have some really deep roots in you, and it just takes a while to dig everything up. But if you keep digging and digging and walking and walking and working and working and trying and trying, eventually you’re going to step out into the world and people aren’t even going to recognize you.

They’re going to call you, the used-to-be moody Judy girl, the happy one. They’re going to ask you, the girl that people thought couldn’t talk, miss shy and quiet, to speak at events. You’re going to be presented with opportunities that you never thought would exist for you. Ms. used-to-be abused, taken-for-granted girl, you are going to run into men who think you are their dream come true, men who would never hurt you. It happens. It’s possible. Sometimes it takes a whole life to get where you want to go, but what else are you doing with your whole life? Living with a low-grade headache and a cloud of chaos around you until you die?

I implore you to figure out what you want to do with this thing called life. At least figure out one thing you want to do with this thing called life. And then start it. And then keep working towards it consistently, even if you mess up. Start over and keep working. Life may surprise you with a shift so mighty you can hardly keep up…

Day 334

Give It Some Time (Consistency)

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From → The Alive Part

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