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Day 328 – Life Above Zero

June 21, 2014

Mr. President came around and he has me thinking about all sorts of things. He added a new color to my experience. The color of Possibility…

Hi there. This is a restart blog. I wrote over 500 words talking about all my fears about Love, and then I deleted them. Because I don’t want to focus on my fears.

I want to tell you something. I set an intention today. A big one. I intend to be married by my next birthday, and I intend to be ready for a fantastic Love and a mighty shift in my Life within the next two months. My life’s not so bad now. There are actually a lot of good parts.

If you could draw a line out that goes from negative ten to positive ten and look at happiness like that, I have been operating below zero on the happiness scale for the majority of my life. There have been brief moments of bliss where I crossed over the negative mark and lived full out. I’ve even made it to ten in spurts, but those moments were few and far in between. For the past few months, though, I have crossed over zero. Just barely, but nevertheless, I’ve made it out of the negative. And it has lasted! For three to five months, I have been on the threshold of crossing over from negative to .001 on the happiness scale, and I do believe that today, ladies and gentlemen, I am at a 1!

This is a very big deal, because once you’ve crossed over, once you’ve made it a pattern in your life, it becomes a groove in your brain and it’s almost impossible to go back.

I am proud and excited. All kinds of drama has occurred. I’ve come across men who’ve tried to treat me like shit (and succeeded on some occasions), my family has had numerous issues, I’ve been living with my brother (who I’ve had all kinds of issues with for the greater half of my life), job has tried to break me, and creative stuff hasn’t hit gold yet, but I have managed to consistently stay above zero, even in the midst of sadness and despair. The negative hasn’t lasted.

So now I’m going to focus on getting stronger. In physical therapy, they measure you when you first come in to see how strong you are. When I first came in for treatment on my hand, they made me squeeze this iron bar. Then they gave me exercises to do to heal. I was in the negative then. After a certain amount of time, they made me squeeze the bar again and said I had gotten better, and we stopped focusing on healing and started focusing on strengthening. I had different exercises to do. I still work on healing, but I do strengthening as well.

That’s where I am in my life now. The major stuff has been dealt with and I can start focusing on strengthening life above zero. There are still some healings that need to take place. I’m aware of them. I’m aware of them, you see. That is a big step. Now I can take my medicine and put the healings into motion while concurrently working on my strengthening.

I do believe I am becoming a warrior for Life and Love. Thank you, Allah. I’m not afraid anymore. I’m really not afraid. Moving towards the light has become more important to me than anything else.

So here we are. Good evening World. May I give you a gift from my heart tonight? I Love You. I know you don’t know me and I don’t know you, but I Love You anyway. Because you are here with me at this moment. You are sharing with me and I am sharing with you. And I thank you for sharing with me. I thank you for giving me an outlet to express myself and I thank you for seeing me as I am. We don’t do that very often. We see what we want to see. We see our thoughts of each other. But we don’t see each other as we are. But you have seen me and you are helping me to see myself. And I Love You for it. Thank you.

May your life be Blessed beyond your fondest Dreams. May Your Path be Guided. May your heart be Cleansed and May your Mind be at Peace. May you know happiness at last…

Ameen.

Day 328
Life Above Zero

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From → The Alive Part

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