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Day 326 – A Journey Worth Taking

June 19, 2014

Good morning World,

I think I’ll write every day from now on. 365 is the goal. One year of intentional reflections, spread over the course of three years.

It’s usually how life works. We take at least three times as long to do things. Take five years to break up with someone that we knew we didn’t want to be with after five months. Take two years to finish a project that really only consists of eight hours of work. Take three years to lose thirty pounds. You get the gist.

Good morning World. I am enlivened today. Usually when I’m feeling excited like this, I want to quit my job so I can stay off and do something relevant to living, but I’ll go to work today and be grateful to have this day of feeling good.

Don’t worry. I’m not going to be a mistress. I told him I don’t want to do the whole mistress thing and he understood and respects my decision. Oh, but I’m so glad I got the proposition. I’m so glad that I had an entire nervous breakdown for a week. I’m so glad I face my fears and looked at Mr. President with an open heart for the first time. I am so glad. Let me tell you why.

Let me tell you what has happened. It’s over. The fear. The regret. The sadness. The pent up energy that I have had surrounding this man for over a decade is over. I can finally see the good in him now. I can see what conditions would make it possible for a person to be a mistress: being alone and having someone make you an offer that you almost can’t refuse, wanting to feel just a little bit of passion after feeling dead for so long. I can see how it would be possible for a person to make a secret decision, and because I can understand that now, I can be a little less judgemental.

Mostly what has happened is that one more bit of fear has fallen off. And I can face the next challenge realizing that it may only hurt for a week. Something that has tormented me for a lifetime, if I confront it, may only take a week to be resolved. I will only be crazy and confused for a short amount of time, maybe it will last less than a week next time, and then I can be free of it forever. I will never fight Mr. President again. I know it. He will never fight me either. I know it. Something between us has been cleansed. My brother, too. There is no more fighting between us.

And Mr. President brought such a Lovely gift. The remembrance of Passion. It’s right on time. He’s so alive, and he has grown up. It’s not often that you meet people who have grown up. Mostly as you get older, you come across people from your past and see that they have grown down. They have lost their zeal and happiness. They have become bitter. Their dreams have not come true and they are hopeless. They have the same issues that they had years ago, except now they have added paranoia and meanness to the pile and closed their hearts. I do not know many people who have grown up, so I’m glad to see that someone I know is moving up in their lives. Perhaps something more will come of our communication. I’m open.

My life is becoming clean again. My energy is coming back. My body is finally healing after a long time of sickness. So I’m grateful this morning. It’s been a long time coming. A spell is being lifted. My heart is being cleaned at last and I’m finding that this is a journey worth taking.

For the sake of my children. For the sake of the work that I have to do in this world. For the sake of my peace of mind and for the health of my body and skin. For the sake of my family. For the sake of the man who will finally meet me with an open heart. I’m not afraid any more. Come what may. Endeavoring to clean up my mind and heart and life and live with integrity and allow happiness to flow to and through me is a journey worth taking. For all my relations…. Ameen.

Day 326

A Journey Worth Taking

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From → The Alive Part

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