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Day 325 – Ugly Healing

June 13, 2014

Hello Love,

How are you? I am well. Had a very good day today. People did nice things for me all day long.

I finally got my degree. I know, I graduated five years ago, but today it’s official. I ordered my diploma and got a letter stating that I have a Master’s in Fine Arts from a fancy school. It doesn’t mean that much to me, but it means a lot to the new job that I’m being considered for. It’s the first job I’m being considered for since graduating that actually requires a Master’s. Go figure.

Right now I’m sitting in a courtyard at my alma mater recognizing what a different world this place is than where I live and work. I live and work amongst people who are at their wit’s ends. This place is where elitist send their children. Renowned everyones come to work and study. State-of-the art everything everywhere…

Today, Love, I want to apologize to you. I haven’t had a lot of positive uplifting stuff to say, and sometimes I think I should only write positive stuff because I know that’s what you want to hear, but that’s not what this blog is about. This blog is about truth. And healing isn’t always pretty. In fact, most of the time, healing is pretty ugly. If you’ve ever seen someone quit a habit, then you know that they will throw up, cough, punch walls, curse, and be sick as a dog before it’s all over. They will cry a lot and think all kinds of thoughts. They will have horrible dreams and sometimes they will try and hurt you and look at you like you’re the enemy.

They are only healing. There is an ugly part of it that must be walked through. Do not run from it. Do not judge it. Do not try and distract yourself over and over again. You will always come back to the issue that needs to be dealt with. Let the healing come. Stick with your intention until you get to the place of peace.

It’s a part of it. I’m going through a major healing, so don’t take me personal, please. The worst is over, I promise. I might throw up again every now and then. And maybe I’ll cuss someone out every now and then (I won’t do it any more in real life, though). But I promise to see this thing through till the end. I promise I will be much better after it’s all said and done and we will get to the other side of happy. Heck, we are already there. We just have to get used to our new legs now.

I’m so glad about ordering my diploma today because it represents me finishing something. All the way to the end. I’m so glad about Mr. President and all the others surfacing because I am getting an opportunity to cleanse my heart for real and have a pure space for a real Love.

Next to me, there is a diverse group of smart people sitting and discussing something. I am glad, Allah. The dark ocean of oil seems like it is dissipating. I am still in it, but it is only a figment of my imagination. As much as the light. It’s not so much that the darkness is disappearing and the light is now coming. The darkness and the light have always been here. It’s just a matter of which one I choose to dwell in.

Thank you for moments of peace. Thank you for understanding and diversity. Thank you for life. And thank you for the ugly, ugly, beautifully blessed healings.

Day 325

Ugly Healing

From → The Alive Part

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