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Day 318 – Our Happily Ever Afters

May 17, 2014

Yesterday the homeless guy by my job gave me a beautiful glass candleholder. It’s round and the glass is thick and it has imprints of little fish and the sea. I washed it and shined it up when I got to work and I put it on my shelf at work. It matches my one other decoration. Several of my coworkers commented on how beautiful it was. The homeless guy down the street gave it to me, and somehow that makes it a little more special…

Good morning, World. It’s Saturday. Something about Saturdays is so sweet. Being able to do exactly what I want to do with my day is wonderful. And I usually wake up feeling so cleansed and healed on Saturday mornings.

I told my brother that I was offended by something he did to me and he actually apologized. I thought we were going to have a big fat fight, but he actually apologized. I don’t think I ever remember my brother saying sorry for anything before. So life is changing. Wow. Our time together will be ending soon, but it’s going to end in peace at last.

Peace at last, God. Thank you. My sister has this theory about happily ever afters. She says that stories don’t really end with happily ever after, but the relationships keep going until you get them to a place where they are happy ever after. Meaning, I may break up with someone and have a big ol’ fight or someone may disappear or do something harmful to me or vice versa, but if I loved that person, I can say I hate them and cut them out of my life, but I will never be happy until there peace and love is restored with us. And for me, that means I have said everything I wanted to say, done everything I wanted to do, and I have forgiven and said sorry for everything. Love is restored. And we are finally happy ever after.

Perhaps this is the meaning of life. Perhaps this is what Heaven and Hell and reincarnation mean. We keep going through it, bumping our heads, falling down, until we figure out that the only common denominator in our entire lives is us. We are the only ones that have always been there recreating our same old dramas with different actors, who are also recreating their same old dramas. And we keep at it. From relationship to relationship, city to city, country to country, job to job, situation to situation, we do the same things, just at different levels. And of course we start off blaming everyone but ourselves. Our parents. The situation we were born into. Some man or woman. The horrible world. The place we live. The way society is set up. The rain. Anything but ourselves.

But the moment you start taking responsibility for your life is the moment you wake up and get to have your happily ever after. It can be a long, arduous process, but I’m getting there, so I can speak of it. You realize that you have always been the girl fighting men, since your best friend brother abandoned you at the time you needed him most when you were 11. You realize that kings and priests have been courting you your entire life and you have always been running, dumping, playing and setting yourself up for failure once you become vulnerable. You realize that you are lucky beyond lucky. People give you gifts when you walk down the street just for nothing, and you have been the one putting conditions on grace and only seeking companionship with closed fists because you don’t believe that you’re worthy of love if you can’t save someone.

The moment you take responsibility for your life, you realize that your happiness and your peace of mind is your responsibility. And you stop trying to change other people and start changing yourself. You follow through. This is something new to me, but it’s powerful. You follow through. You don’t let your angry brother’s words stop you from being kind to him. Yesterday I started a sincere text conversation with my bro telling him how I felt about certain things. I told him I was upset with him. His first response was to tell me about my behavior and all the bad things I had done. I hadn’t done any of the things he was accusing me of, and in the past, this would have initiated a war of words where I then attack him and we argue about who’s behavior was better than the other and then eventually come to a point where we just shut each other out and say really mean things to each other.

But I started the text out with a peaceful intention. And when I received his angry message, I stopped. For once, I stopped. I didn’t go with the first reaction, which was to destroy and show him! I stopped. I breathed. And I remembered why I had sent out that text. That text was my attempt at peace and honesty and I wasn’t about to change it up because of him. Because in truth, all I wanted was peace and honesty. And the world works like that. Either my will would be done, or my will would be done.

Our problem is, we are not clear about what our will is, and we allow one small interference from the outside to change it up. So my will with brother started out with peace, but I was gonna allow his one statement to change my will and my intention would have been domination and victory. That is not what I wanted from the start, but had I not stopped and reflected that would have been what I wanted by the end…. And then I would have had to try this happily ever after thing again some years later with my bro. Because I will never be satisfied with war between us. We must have our happily ever after…

As Rasha writes in her book Oneness, “a vibrational foundation built on sincere sentiments of well-being for the other party” is the root of peace and harmony.

I’m ready, God. Past relationships are resurfacing and bringing themselves up for review. I am getting so many opportunities for my happily ever afters. I’m glad. I can finally be free of all the heaviness inside of me. I can finally be free…

Day 318
Our Happily Ever Afters

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