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Day 304 – Cultivate The Light Within

March 25, 2014

Good Morning.

I called in to work today. Don’t worry. I’m not quitting. Not yet. The last time I called into work, I sat at home and finished the final draft of my screenplay.

Today I’m going to use the day to do some maintenance. Realignment. A chiropractic life adjustment. It’s much needed and much needed right now. I saw that I was beginning to step into some quicksand if I didn’t call a time-out, I was going to start sinking real fast.

I like this kind of life. Not having to go to work and being able to spend the days focusing on what is meaningful to you. This is the shift I am making, God. Focusing on the transition. Moving into purposeful living. It’s all purposeful living, but it’s all about choice.

My film is moving. People with money are getting involved. They like it. They actually think it’s worth making. And I am imagining that it might actually be possible for me to do exactly what I’ve been called to do with my life and still pay off all my bills and debts and maybe even have some land a house that I can raise a family in. Maybe even have a family. Kids and a husband and an avocado or mango tree somewhere. Kids and a husband. A husband and kids. A husband…

Writing this blog makes me realize just how much drama happens every single day. Every single day something happens that can get a sensitive person all riled up, break your heart, make you sad. Every single day a million thoughts cross our mind, and sometimes no thought at all as we go through the monotonous motions of survival. The monotonous motions of relationships that don’t fill us up. The nine to five that takes up all of our time that we know will never really take us where our soul wants to go.

Today I declare a time-out. A realignment. We must get back on track, Laydie. God has been pushing us back on track anyway, with breakdowns and intolerable smells. Forcing us to clean-up. Forcing us to pay attention to our bodies and our minds. Making us sick when we go around certain people so that we can pay attention and learn to discern between what’s good for us and what’s bad for us. He has been sending people who believe in us even when we don’t believe in ourselves. Secret heroes offering smiles and kind words and food and gifts and hugs. God has been here on our side all along.

It’s time for us to get on our own team and take ourselves seriously. Take our lives seriously. And I don’t mean getting on some melodramatic self-righteous high-horse… The words are taking over me. I mean stop, already. Just stop being miserable. And listen to the true things within you. Listen to the true calling within you. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen… Listen.

We are grown-ups now and we can do this life thing. We can. We can do this life thing and it doesn’t have to be a headache. Or a burden. It doesn’t have to be so sad all the time. Or so ugly all the time. Or so poor all the time. Or so sick all the time. Or so confused all the time. Or so mean all the time. Or so lonely. Or so dirty and disorganized. It doesn’t have to be so fake and meaningless. How can I change it?  You ask. I don’t know. I don’t know if you can change life. You have to change you.

Yes, you. You may not get a different man or a different job or a new house right away. You might not find a religion that fits immediately. In fact, your life might crash and burn for a while and you may experience great tragedy and loss when you are trying to change. Most likely, something in your life will get stirred up.  A natural disaster may wipe away years of building up. People may die. Someone might break a promise and you may lose all your money and possessions. Someone you love might leave. Disappear forever. And all that will remain is you. And the choice you make after the fact.

Today I am sitting in my room after the fact, God. Making a choice again. Thank you for pulling me out of the quicksand before I could get in too deep. I am choosing peace of mind again. I am choosing a good life again. Cleanliness. Good smells. Purposeful work. A choice must be made first and then the action comes. How do I decide what to do about all the random men in my world? I have to chose first. When I choose peace, then I know what to say to my Almost One. I know what to do about Mr. Almost Famous and I know how to forgive Dream Lover as he lives his dream without me. When I choose peace, I have no interest in consorting with demons. When I choose peace, I know when to take a break and clean my room, because I can’t pray and meditate when my room’s not clean, and I can’t have peace (not yet) if I don’t check in with myself regularly. When I choose peace, I must do life work that is meaningful and that expresses my gifts and talents, because my mind is not at peace while I am spending long hours pushing papers and dreaming of all these ideas. When I choose peace, my hair grows. LOL. So I choose peace again. I know. I think I chose it in my last blog entry. I choose it again.

Oh Lawd, I just got disturbed… Yes, indeed. LOL.

I am just grateful for this new perspective. I am grateful that I can stand on the outside of myself and see myself now, walking into quicksand, and I can tell myself to stop. Honey, walk another way. Look to the light where you are headed and do what you gotta do to get there. Nourish yourself so you will be strong for the journey. Release the ties that bind you in one place. All that anger and resentment. Leave in the dark woods, baby. Just leave it there. Discover the gifts within you that you will offer once you get to the other side. You can get to the other side right now, but since you believe you have to tarry a while here, we’ll tarry a while. Make peace with everyone. Make peace with everything. Make peace with yourself. Cultivate the light within because baby, it’s some bright things coming your way. You gotta be able to hang. So walk now. We’re back on track. Remember Me, and We’ll never get lost again…

Day 304

Cultivate The Light Within

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