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Day 299 – May We Always Remember

March 11, 2014

It’s a process. Good evening world. It’s 7:30 pm and I have energy. It’s the first time I’ve had energy at this time of day in months.

I’m grateful. I know I wrote a pretty crazy extra long blog the other day. I almost deleted it after publishing, but I decided to keep it. This blog is not a literary concoction. This is what really happens when someone tries to change their life. There are crazy days when nothing at all makes sense.

Today is not one of those days. Today there is a bit of stability in my mind and body. I went walking/running yesterday morning and this evening. I started back on my writing schedule tonight. Just feeling a little easy.

My old welfare worker (yes welfare) sent me an email and asked me if I could write up my success story. She said that she wanted to share it with the new people she would be helping. She said that my story was inspirational. I wrote up my story for her and I remembered everything. I remembered cat-sitting a cat I was allergic to and staying on the couch at my friend’s mold infested apartment because I couldn’t pay my rent. I remembered counting change and looking on the ground near bus stops so that I could afford gas.

But mostly I remember the angels during that time in my life. My brother-in-law who cooked pot roast and brought it to my apartment when I was so hungry. My caseworker who believed in me and told me that I was going to find a job. The human resources guy at the prestigious job fair who gave me the inside scoop on how to get a job with his company. My friend who paid my phone bill. My family who sent me the little money they had randomly because they knew I would never ask. Even my ex, who, as opposed as he is to giving people money, managed to go to the western union and wire me more than half the money he had promised… I was carried through that time, God, and You gave me energy and strength even when I thought I didn’t have it. More than that, You taught me what faith really means. And You taught me true Compassion and Humility.

I am thankful for that time. I think it was the best time of my life. I think it was the best time in my life so far. Because now I can’t get depressed. Now I know that no matter how hard things are, there is always a way. It’s not just a theory for me. I know because I have experienced things being harder than I could imagine. I have experienced my body hurting more than I can imagine and my emotions running rampant. I have experienced heartbreak and abandonment and disappointment and I have experienced just wishing that my mind would stop racing so that I could get some rest. I have experienced not even being able to rest in my sleep and feeling hopeless and powerless. And in the midst of all that might have drowned me, I have seen ways open up that I never could have imagined.

And so now, when I feel like I am drowning, I am always sure that it is possible that ways beyond my imagination may open up. And for that knowledge I am grateful. As long as I live, I know there is hope.

In this moment of energizing gratitude, I cast my will upon the world again. What action can I take today to bring my life closer to a dream come true? I’d like to connect with someone. Who needs my Love today and whose Love do I need? I know who to call and I open my arms to whoever is to come my way.

My life is a good life. It’s always a good life. May we always remember…

Day 299

May We Always Remember

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From → The Initiation

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