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Day 294 – A Lesson On Mastery (How To Change The World)

February 20, 2014

Good morning…

I wrote this really sad blog the other day and didn’t publish it. I’m glad I didn’t. It was about me freaking out.

I woke up in enough time today for me to blog and go to work. I haven’t done that in a while. Emotions all over the place. I don’t know what to do about them all the time.

Yesterday I went somewhere after work before coming home, just to get a change of pace. I think I’m gonna do that more often. It’s boring going straight to work and coming straight home to sit at a computer or sit on the bed while I wait for my sis to get off the computer. Or cook. Or clean. That’s what I do when I’m at home. It’s boring.

Trust me, I’ve never had a problem with boredom (Ok well maybe a little bit). But I can sit in the silence for hours upon hours without being entertained and just meditate or do work, but this kind of boring is a bit different. It’s bothersome. It’s a feeling of missing out. It’s a feeling of drowning. It’s a feeling like life is somewhere that I’m not. Out there somewhere.

I am searching, and I don’t even know for what. And my list is still unfinished. I did finish one major item, though, but there is still a ways to go.

And I ask myself how am I going to change the world when I can’t even change myself? I can’t even sort out a closet full of papers? Think about it. We want to end world poverty. We have a solution for bullying. We know the cure to happiness and peace forever. But we can not manage to have peace of mind and integrity in our own selves for even twenty-four hours.

I don’t think the problem is the world. I think the problem is the people in the world always looking outside of ourselves for someone else to “fix”.

I think I’m bored because I’m drifting further and further out of alignment from the things that matter to me. I don’t really feel like I’m connected with people. Even though I live with brother and sister and I like the company of human beings, and even though the three of us work in a similar industry, our life views and motivations are very, very different from each other.

And it’s not loneliness that I’m feeling. Not boredom quite. There is an aliveness missing. I am struggling to find it and hold on to the little sparks. I am yearning for someone I can look up to. You know, someone else on a mission. Someone else who will bring happy into my world instead of me always having to be the lifter and the organizer and the highest vibration in the room.

Can you send me a hero, God? I’m kind of drowning here. And it’s the worst kind of drowning. Not an ocean overtaking me, but a slow sinking. Don’t know where the drain is. Don’t know if I should swim or stay still so that I will float. Don’t know the answer here, but I know running away is not the solution. Or is it?

Find good food, You say. Where are the peaceful hearts? Where are they? They seem to be so few and far in between. Where are the masters? I know, those are my people, but I’m not one of them yet. Where are the ones who bring a light with them everywhere they go? On purpose. Where are the people who know how to treat each other? The kind ones. The ones who have sat down and done some work on themselves. The alive ones.

My spark is waning, God. How shall I get it back?

This is the time for willpower, You say. Not floating time. Swimming time. This is the time for getting up early like I did today. Action and patience. No one will be traveling on exactly on my path, but there are those who are traveling intentionally. There are those who want to connect and be kind. There are those who are not just stuck in their worlds and can see the world around them… Find them. Stop criticizing. Let the ones who are not on your path be. Find the places where you fit. You see, there are places where you fit. You have felt them before. You have been there before. There are vortexes of energy. Find them.

And finish, Laydie. Yes finish. This is your lesson on mastery. A lifetime worth of unfinished business in front of you. Small obstacles. This is your test. This is your initiation. You must become stronger. Your vibration must become impermeable, you see. You are learning that the emotions are just that. Emotions. Good job. They are not the truth of your life. Now let us learn what it is to transform an environment instead of being transformed by it. Let us learn how to create a life in spite of circumstances instead of having our life be created by them. Let us learn to see beyond the illusion.

We know deep down that it is not that hard. Perhaps our bodies will react to the profound release. Perhaps our mind will be confused for a while. But we know deep down, that this endeavor, the endeavor to get to the root of things and master just the little things in our lives, is a worthwhile endeavor. We know that it is a life changing endeavor. And a necessary one for those who say they want to change the world.

So. Work time. Be on time today. Get up. Let’s go.

Day 294

A Lesson On Mastery (How To Change The World)

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