Day 293 – Participate

Good morning.

It’s a good morning today. An emotional type of morning. My days literally change from day to day. Yesterday was kind of blah. The day before (Valentine’s Day) was amazing.

This is a rewrite. Scratching my original entry. I feel like writing, but I just don’t feel like writing about my daily events in this entry. Suffice it so say on V-day, men from the past who I had told off (Almost One, Muse) reached out to me with sweet words, my New Boo asked me to be his valentine and blessed me with his kind, authentic, unassuming presence, sis got me some gifts and I felt really Loved. Yesterday I got my car oil changed, but had a hard time doing anything else, even though I had a lot of things I wanted to do. I laid on the bed most of the day instead.

And today?

I’m checking in before I head out for the day. It’s a social kind of day, but I’m not quite centered and don’t want to leave the house feeling this way.

Closing my eyes… I’ve got Love poems in me. This is an awesome day. I just saw a vision of me taking flowers out of my belly. I’m a bit excited about what might happen today… Thank you.

I keep sitting in front of this computer talking about change, kind of hiding out, but change is finding me nonetheless. I cast my will upon the world and it comes to pass. I’m not gonna lie. A part of me thinks it’s not fair. A part of me is afraid to go fishing, because I know I will catch exactly what I set out to get. It sounds arrogant, but it is my life experience. And even when I don’t cast my will intentionally, my life seems to reflect my unconscious feelings. I think everyone’s life is like that, to be honest. Some are just more aware of it than others…

So if I really cast my will out and go fishing for a husband, I’m going to get him?

-Yes

Is this blasphemy?

-Yes

But is it true?

-Yes. The question is, can you receive your answered prayer? Today? You see, you have been waiting for the future and the future, but the future never comes…

Today… If I went outside and met one who fit the mold completely, and he looked at my like New Boo looks at me… Wow. I would delay. I would say come back prince. Next month. I’ll be ready then.

If my producer called today and said, hey, the funding just cleared. I’m gonna cut you a check for 100 grand tomorrow, but you’re gonna have to quit your job and move out of state to shoot, I would think, “What? I just figured out the colors for my apartment.”

There would be dread instead of excitement, and I would say to myself, “What about in April? After Muse takes my pictures? How about we start life then? Or what about after I sort out my papers. It’s only taken me two years to get halfway through them. It will only be another two years. Then we can get things popping. LOL.

How do we get through these delay tactics? This holding off on our dreams come true. I think about Mr. Almost Famous and all the wonderful men that I’ve met on my journey. They meet wonderful women every day. The best in the world. They almost fall in love. Me too. But we delay. Next, month, we say. This particular feeling doesn’t fit with my program. I think about Dream Lover. We would have had two kids and a garden by now. He delayed. I delayed. We ran away instead of towards each other. Only to be faced with the same yearning again.

When will we just accept our dreams come true? There is no way we have to do it. Get the training before you go swim in the ocean or just jump in. Either way, you’re going to float.

Oh, my goodness. I have been delaying. And I’m glad I checked in this morning. “Just let yourself be happy,” he said. Let the dream be real now.

Let yourself be successful already. Just do it. Stop playing the beggar. Sto. Just stop playing small. You’re not. You’re over that part of your life. You’re happy already. No matter how you try to front, no one else but you sees that sad girl anymore. That’s why they don’t pity you. They see your strength. They see your beauty. They actually think you’re cool. They see your talent. And they think you are worth Loving. They want you, you see.

The world wants you to be a part of it. Even sitting in your room on this computer, Your dream come true has been reaching and reaching towards you, and you know that all you have to do is step outside. Get in touch and step outside! And miracles unfold. They will. They do. And they are. It is nothing to be ashamed of. You have told the world all your sad stories with pride. Why must you be ashamed to share the good news? It’s a part of it too.

The word for the day? Participate. Your higher vision is calling you. It is pulling you. No need to resist. It is there already, asking you only to take your hand off your face and share your smile boldly. Asking you only to share your dance instead of sitting in the room. Asking you only to hug someone instead of writing Love poems to yourself. Asking only that you finish things and share…

We step into our day, boldly. We step into our day knowing that we are on track. We are in alignment and from that space, there can be no harm. Yes, we allow with an open heart. Today. Today. Today. We can meet him today and we will follow him. Yes. We can be successful today and we will allow it. We can pick up and go today. We participate. With an open heart. With a frisky smile… Ameen.

Day 293

Participate