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Day 280 – The Way Home

December 31, 2013

“Those who have rejected me, who have hurt me, who have not recognized my true worth, I send my love to you with no conditions attached”- J.R. Price

That was my affirmation for yesterday, from The Success Book. Right on time. Why Love? Those who have hurt you? It’s the first question that comes to mind. Why love them? They don’t deserve it, my mind says. Why Love at all?

It’s the day of the eve of the New Year, when we think about our lives and all we have done. My sister arrives in town today and she and my biological brother will be living with me indefinitely. My brother-in-law spends his last day in town today. He has been my running buddy, my family and my friend, a very supportive soul. I will miss him.

Change, you will not let me be. But why would you, You say. Look at me. I need you in order to be the best of me.

So here we are, on the eve of something new. My sis and bro are anything but neutral energies and this is an opportunity for growth. Relationships are never just about one person. There are always two opportunities in every interaction. Now three. May we uplift each other, help each other, and bring the highest and the best good out of each other. May we help each grow and support each other during the sweet time that you have given us to be family again. Ameen.

This morning I’ve been thinking about open hearts. I’ve been crying a lot this month. Not so much the same kind of cry that I used to cry, though. Before, I would feel desperate and powerless and sad. I’m not either or those now. But it’s not quite like a happy cry either. It’s like a release cry. The kind that doesn’t make your eyes red, I have been letting go of so much. I’ve had so many attachments and I’ve been lucky, Allah. You have given me so many opportunities to have happy endings, even with people from long, long ago whom I had forgotten about. I am thankful. Thank You.

I made a real female friend this year. The first real female friend I’ve had since I’ve been in LA. She even goes to my spiritual center and we talk about metaphysical stuff and she’s smart and pretty and I can go just about anywhere with her. I am thankful. I got my first full-time job since I’ve been in this city this year. I met normal guys with health insurance and jobs and houses that they pay for and decorate on their own.

And I am standing on the outside of me seeing that my life has been far, far away from my potential. I have been scrambling on the bottom of the least of me. The least of me is a part of me, too, but my time as a survivor and a beggar and crier, my time as less than myself has come to an end. You have been lifting me up in stages, little by little. I had fallen so low.

The funny thing is, if you talk to a person who has been through a horrible ordeal, a former addict or someone who’s been in a dysfunctional relationship or depressed or seeped in poverty for a long time, we never know how we got so low. And you never quite realize how low you had gotten until you get up one day and step outside of yourself. And you see the cry baby woman with the messy room. The one with all kinds of degrees who people always call pretty and smart and all kinds of good things. That Laydie with such a big heart who won “Rookie Teacher of the Year” and you ask, “What is she doing with her life?”

It is good. You have a quite a story to tell. You always wanted to know about that thug life anyway. Now you know. It is hard. It hurts. And if you are lucky, it teaches you and grows you up. You are lucky, Laydie. You have always been lucky. Let your past teach you now. Let it grow you up for real, never to repeat it again. Let yourself know now for real what it is to have an open heart, what it is to know the Creator of all Creation, what it is to live with Purpose, to have everything you need to do all that you can do. Let yourself know what it is to be happy, for real in truth. What it is to have a clean, clean heart and a clean, clean life. What it is to be true to yourself and stand up. Oh, what it is to Love and be Loved at last!

Let yourself know the best of this life. You have seen the worst. Let yourself know the best now. Yes, it is as easy as it sounds. Yes it is as easy as it sounds. Yes. It is as easy as it sounds. Yes.. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes…

I have found my way to You at last. I have found my way home. From here, from this place where We can touch Truth, from this place where We see the little things for what they are, from this place where We can forgive those who have harmed us and even thank them for helping to activate our potential. From here, this place where our thoughts make sense and this place where we See the Truth of who we are. Oh, God, We see the Truth of who We Are! So much more than this! So much more than our conflicts.

We see the huge opportunity that is being presented on the day of the eve of this New Year. An opportunity to fully step into our own shoes, once and for all. To put our heart into it all the way. To shout down fear when it gets in the way. To express, to grow, to Love, to connect. And to come back home to Source. To look for open hearts and be able to recognize them.

I am Love today. I am in Love today. I am coming back home. Thank You, God. Ameen.

Day 280

The Way Home

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From → The Initiation

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