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Day 274 – The Tools

December 11, 2013

Good morning World,

I hope everyone is doing OK. I have been under attack, caught in the crossfire of other people’s wars. I survived. I’m OK.

I’d like to take a moment to set an intention before I head out for the day. It can be scary coming back to the world after you’ve spent a long time alone in the silence of your own thoughts.

You find that everything is not like they said in the books. Everyone doesn’t always Love you and people aren’t always nice. Sometimes people will be against you. Just because. Just because you are a woman or a man or a certain age or a certain race. Just because you light up a room when they don’t. Just because you don’t give them what they want from you or just because you dare to smile in spite of it all.

So I have been under attack. By men. And women. Because I smiled just a little too big. Because I didn’t do what I was told to do by a man who feels like it’s his very birthright to tell me what to do. By powerful people who believe they are more powerful than me. And it hurt. When bees sting it hurts. And it confuses you. And it causes you to question yourself.

Am I supposed to do everything men say because I am a woman? Do I need to just shut up at work and not tell everyone about my skills so that I will be liked by my supervisors who aren’t as educated as me? Have I been doing something wrong? Do I need to just shut up and not smile so big so I can get along in the world? Is this why I don’t have a man? Do I just need to be nice? Because every man I have ever loved and been in a relationship with has tried to dominate my will.

My most recent attacker said that I emasculate men by trying to tell them what to do. By not letting them lead me. He said that this is why my exes resent me. And he was very convicted. And what he said sounded like truth.

But then he said that I needed to learn “game” (how to interact with men to make them  do what I want). He said I don’t understand the nature of the soul. And he said I need to focus less on my emotions and more on my “indifferent soul”. And he said that he had come around to teach me things and I need to humble myself to him or else he wouldn’t teach me. And he was very convicted. And this sounded like truth, too.

But it wasn’t.

And there is something so lovely about being around powerful people. They force you to go deep. They will devour you if you don’t. He was right. Men like to lead. At least the kind of men that I like like to lead. And even I like to follow sometimes. But not just anyone. Only Kings and Priests who are guided by Love. Those are my leaders. I don’t bow down to people who are all about self. I don’t bow down to manipulators and cheaters and liars. No. I don’t bow down to men who spend their entire lives trying to feed their egos or people who never say sorry and don’t talk to their mothers. No. Those are not my leaders. Everyone is a teacher if we allow them to be, but they are not my leaders.

I see the error in my ways. It’s not that I don’t listen to men, it’s that I set myself up to try and listen to the wrong type of men. Men who are not qualified to lead me. It sounds arrogant, but it’s the truth. It has nothing to do with their worldly standing. It has everything to do with their heart. With their ability and desire to come clean. To wash off their conscience. To say sorry. To live with integrity. To set an intention of harmlessness. To comfort and protect and Love in spite of all else.

You will say that this kind of man does not exist, but he must exist because I exist and I have thought of him. I have prayed for him and every prayer has an answer.

I have to get dressed for work. The attackers didn’t win this time. They will never win, Insha’ Allah. Demons come cloaked in sugar all the time. Bringing powerful words and ideas, trying to steal your will. They cannot survive on their on will. They thrive off of the minds and souls of others. My attacker was not a demon. But he wasn’t my teacher. And I almost believed he was, because his words were just that convincing.

The funny thing is, he told me to get over my emotions, but my emotions are what saved me. The inexplicable stomachache that you get when you’re around someone. The headache or red eyes. The fatigue. The way you’re feelings always seem hurt even though they never even said anything to you. Don’t disregard the gifts that God has given us. OK, maybe women aren’t that good with logic. But we have other tools to help get us through the world. We have other tools that keep us safe. And we have other tools to recognize the truth. Let’s use them. Ameen.

Day 274

The Tools

From → The Initiation

  1. Anonymous permalink

    Can you write about what you think those tools are one day?? And maybe elaborate on what a man qualified to lead you possesses?

    I know it’s your blog… Hehe maybe you could just tell me privately. Or wait til the mood strikes you. Lol


    Sent from my Windows Phone ________________________________

    • Sure. Thanks for the question. Makes me dig a little deeper.

      Kings and Priests are qualified to lead me, and I mean that figuratively. A King is a man who leads. He has a destiny and his life purpose involves leadership on the highest level. Not necessarily ruling a nation. He could be the principal of a school, but is concerned about the good of the people he leads above all else.

      A Priest is someone who has taken time to study religion and/or spirituality. He doesn’t live in a world of theories. He has tested his beliefs out on his own life and he knows what he knows. And because he lives in the world but he’s not of it, people are automatically drawn to him for advice and guidance. He’s a natural healer. Whether he actually leads some religious center or has clients that come to him doesn’t matter. People are uplifted spiritually just by his presence and/or conversation.

      These are the kind of men qualified to lead me because of my life destiny. I’m going to be a leader and/or a healer. I already am. But in order to be that, I need a partner who understands what that means, someone who is going to encourage and support me on my path, not distract me. For someone to be able to lead me and pull certain things out of me, he’d have to know what he’s doing and what he’s looking for. Otherwise, how could I follow someone knowing that I know more than him? Joint leadership is fine, but I’m not interested in being the leader of my man. My life mission involves constant leadership and when I’m partnered with someone, I’d like to know that I can rest sometimes and trust that he will do as good as or a better job than I would have done on my own.

      Qualities include: Kindness; integrity; strength; humility; authenticity; Divine faith and a connectedness to the Source of all life; compassion; honesty; knowledge, understanding and acceptance of true power; tenacity; heightened sense of awareness and intelligence in at least one area; discipline; and a Love and respect for one’s self and all people… That’s a lot! Probably why I’m still single…

      Tools: Still learning and developing them. Will write in blogs to come as I learn them. For now, it’s recognizing that we are born with tools to help us get along in the world. Recognizing that, we search ourselves and see what we have. For me, I have my body. I’m hypersensitive and I can just be in a person’s physical presence, without even touching them, and my body will react to their energy. It’s why people think I’m psychic, because I can feel a person’s intention towards me when I’m in their presence. I will get a stomach ace when someone lies to me or my fingers will start to tingle out of control when someone is wishing me well or sending loving energy my way. I don’t always understand what’s going on, but essentially my body feels good when there’s good energy and my body feels bad when there’s bad energy. I ignored my body’s reactions before, but now recognize that it’s a tool I can use when I decide who to associate with and where to go for nourishment and when I need to say some extra prayers and stay an arms length away from certain people.

      For the life work I’m doing, I will have to learn what tools I can use to maintain a sense of peace and love and wellbeing even when I am around people who may not wish me well. I’m exploring that now, but haven’t figured it out yet.

      I think we all can find our own gifts, though, the natural ways that we are able to discern between what is good for us and what isn’t, if we pay attention and do some self investigation…

      Thanks for helping me to get more clear. xo

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