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Day 268 – One Day Surely Comes

November 26, 2013

I wrote this blog last night and forgot to publish it, and right before I went to sleep I got a phone call. The producer that I pitched my script to. He said he Loves it. He said he was moved. He wants to work with me. I have written and I’m going to direct my first feature film, Insha’ Allah.

It’s a new day. It’s such a new day! I taught yoga to my coworkers during our break today. It’s such a new day.

I won’t write too much, because I want to share the blog I wrote yesterday, but I want to say thank you, whoever you are and why ever you have come and shared this part of my life with me. Thank you so much for being with me. May your path be Blessed…

This is what I wrote yesterday:

 

Hi there.

It’s one of those days. Where the blog is needed. An intervention is needed.

It’s good to be aware of when an intervention is needed. It

s good to have the strength to intervene on my own behalf. Good evening Lord.

I’m feeling a little discouraged. Impatient. The question “when” is all up in my head. Reliving heartbreaks again and again. When does the heart stop breaking over the same old stuff? Reliving everything from the past. How could he? How could he share such a sacred moment with me and then say he only did it because I reminded him of someone else? How could he? How could he abandon me, my best friend, without even telling me why? I was just a little girl. It still hurts. How could he? How could he tell me he was going to marry me and ask about his unborn babies in my womb and then marry someone else? How could he let me give up everything I had to move in with him and then treat me so bad when I had no where else to go? How could he tell me he would go to the ends of the Earth for me and then disappear into thin air?

How could he? How could he just not give a sh*t? How could he treat me like an enemy when we were friends? We were such good friends…

How could he?

So many wounds…

“One day the pain goes…”

So many thing we want to do that never get done.

You sold me a dream and I bought it and I believed that it would come true. I still do. But sometimes I wonder when “one day” will come. When will the pain go for good? How many tears are in me? When will We get there?

You say We are on our way…

I’m not sad today. I don’t really know what I feel. I’m on the outside of myself looking at myself. This woman, she feels too much, I say, as I watch the movie of my life. She is going to make it through, isn’t she? She has already made it through and doesn’t even know it. Let her know, God. Let her know.

I know, so many people don’t make it. I’ve cried for all them already. I don’t understand, but maybe in another life they will know peace. Maybe in another life their dreams will come true…

There’s so much sadness, God. So much pain… I am weeping for the world. For mothers who lose their children. For husbands who lose their wives. For people who’s dreams never come true even though they try. For dead daddys and best friends separated. For promises never kept. I am weeping for religion, meant to heal, but gone awry. I am weeping for big fat egos that keep us far away from Love. We have a long way to go…

Am I one of those, Allah? A Truth bringer? Will my life make a difference here? You say it already has. To who?…

I don’t have an agenda for tonight’s blog. I’m writing because this is one of the moments we forget and I want to remember. I want to remember how I felt on this evening when nothing makes sense so that in the future I can realize that when I feel this way, it’s just one day. One evening. A new day comes and we feel completely different.

Sometimes absolutely nothing makes sense and everything that used to move you doesn’t move you anymore. Sometimes you find yourself mourning a loss that you thought you had gotten over a long time ago. Sometimes you’re not sure if you will ever quite get to your final destination and you can’t define the longing in your heart. Sometimes we are confused.

It doesn’t mean life is over, you see. This is where we learn wisdom. We don’t have to run from the things we don’t understand. We don’t have to always have an answer. I think it’s OK to admit that we don’t understand. Cry. Whatever. Sit still for once. Surely as the confusion came, a moment of clarity will arise. Soon. Sooner than you think.

I’m sitting here and my heart feels open. Squeezed open. Like when you pop a pimple and the venom comes out. The pain is leaving, slowly but surely… Sometimes it takes a while to heal a broken heart.

I don’t know how all those guys could have done all those things to me. I don’t know how I could have hurt so many people in so many ways. But we did. And we are sorry. Even the ones who never say sorry. One day they will whisper your name in a prayer. One day they will hope that a good thing happens to you.

One day, the pain goes. “And all the years that the locusts have eaten will be given back to you…”

It may take a while. Heck,  it may take lifetimes, but one day surely comes. One day surely comes…

Day 268

One Day Surely Comes

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From → The Initiation

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