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Day 262 – When The Water Runs Free (Receive)

November 15, 2013

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

I can’t sleep. It’s 5:30 am and I went to sleep at 1:30 am, but I can’t sleep.

My body and mind and Spirit are abuzz.

Oh my God. And even just now. The well has opened up. Oh my God. It’s real. The well has opened up!

This is an incident, but it’s not just this. The well has opened up! The guy who I thought had disappeared, the online fabulous guy, he hadn’t. He had written me an email giving his phone number and saying he wanted to meet up more than a day earlier, but for some reason I never received it. After writing my blog yesterday, I decided to just be a big girl and ask him if he was OK and if he’d lost interest. I asked. He was OK. He was intrigued by me.

We talked. Last night. I Love him. OK. I know I can’t say I Love him this early, but I Love him. The thought of him got me off the bed this morning. The thought of him makes my womb smile. The thought of him makes me want to pay back all my debts and free up my time pronto and make my place all feminine and buy new clothes and do my nails. The thought of him makes me want to lose this belly once and for all. It makes me want to be all that I can be. All of it. I think he can handle me. I don’t think he’ll run. I think I could pray with him and he wouldn’t get scared of my power. I think he would embrace it.

And this just dawning on me. The former guys I’ve liked. They always seemed like they’d run. What I mean is, they had never been coming towards me at the same time that I was coming towards them. If I looked their way, they ran away, and vice versa.

He is coming towards me at the same time as I am coming towards him. WE HAVE THE SAME SPIRITUAL BELIEFS!!! He prays and practices. He comes from a down and out background (so he understands) and he has triumphed over so much adversity, but he’s humble and even a bit shy. And he’s strong and active. Powerful. Wow. Handsome. Flirty but not offensive.

He’s it, isn’t he? He’s my answered prayer. Maybe… Maybe. He told me that he has come so far in life and now he needs to be Loved, and I understood. He doesn’t mean he needs to be loved in a needy kind of way, he meant that there are times on your path when it is good to do it alone, and there are times when a partner is needed to evolve to the next step. He is at that point where a partner is needed, and so am I. I’ve been praying for him. I Love him, Allah. I Love the idea  of him.

A part of my mind is entertaining this thought that he is too good to be true, that I am speaking too soon, and I’d like to rebuke that part of my mind for a moment, tell it to shut up. Put some tape over it’s mouth. Quiet, now. Let me imagine that it’s actually possible that I, me, Laydie, could fall for a fabulous guy and he could fall for me at the same time. Let me imagine that it’s possible that he wouldn’t hurt me, but would protect me. For once, without the thought being coated with fear, let me see someone touching my womb while a baby grows inside. He will not run. He will not disappear. He will not lie to me. Oh, let me imagine that my prayer could actually be answered and not just be some dream never to be fulfilled. Let me imagine that my prayer has been answered and the well has burst open and I have met my match. A King. A humble King who is living with purpose on Earth. A humble king who knows You and relies on You. A bonafide man who isn’t scared of woman. Let me imagine the possibility of answered prayer…

You have given me a visual. Someone like him exists. I don’t think I’ve ever spoken to a guy who seemed as compatible with me as he does. He asked about our kids (yeah he’s just as crazy as me). He said when he gives me sons, and I called him out on it and he didn’t back down. He reminds me of Mr. Almost Famous. Easy. Trustworthy. Something in you knows they will keep their word. The only difference is this one, My One, actually has his eye on me and he’s actually in the same city as me and he’s actually the right religion.

I am not afraid to speak these things this morning. I am not afraid to be a little girl crushing on a guy and writing in my journal about it. I am not afraid to be excited again. I am OK with being vulnerable. Why am I not afraid even though I know I could potentially be utterly disappointed and heartbroken?

In the open door lies all possibility, and the possibility for the good is pulling me more than the fear of the bad. I keep my eye on the good, that I may know it when it arrives.

Go with the flow, You say. Allow Me to be your guide. Don’t worry about the future. If he’s yours, he’s yours. He will declare it and there will be no doubt in you. Your answered prayer is here. Open up the gates and let the water flow freely. Your answered prayer is here…

Ameen.

Day 262

When The Water Runs Free

 

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