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Day 248 – In The Beginning

September 1, 2013

I don’t think my blog webpage works any more.

It’s OK. Change time, huh? This blog’s for me.

Vacation over. Back to work soon. Change. “What will this day be like? I wonder…” Will I ever write a classic as great as The Sound of Music?

I think I will. I think I can. I think great things are in store for me. Mr. Almost Famous said it, so it’s got to be true. But I thought it was true before he said it.

A lot has been going on. In the other place. The deep place… Last night I had what they call a nightmare. I heard something come in my room. It came to my bed. I was paralyzed. It shook the bed, taunting me, daring me to turn around. I couldn’t. I was frozen stiff. In my mind, I was praying, convincing myself that I was not afraid. Finally I yanked myself awake and turned around!

Nothing.

I cried.

I prayed.

I heard noises in the other room. I didn’t feel like leaning on my fam or friends so I didn’t call anyone. I know. Dangerous. I wanted to lean on God, though. I wanted to be safe on my own. So I went back to sleep.

And I woke up today. It’s 3:30 pm. I have been in the house all day.

Call me crazy, but I know that when I walk outside… I just made a phone call to someone who hardly ever answers… He answered. He said he didn’t want to let it go to voicemail… How does he always know? How is he always there when I need him, God?

I am sitting at home feeling blessed beyond my fondest dreams. How can things be confusing and yet I don’t feel confused? I feel powerful, and I must come to terms with this word once and for all. Power…

It is a root word. It is a word governing so much evil. Power. People trying to have control over each other. Us. We… Power.

So, yesterday, I went out in the world to two events. People approached me all day long. Someone asked me to be a lead dancer in his dance troupe, a troupe that dances for God. People complemented me, saying they felt blessed by my presence. I’m not exaggerating. I felt like a celebrity. I felt powerful, and it scared me.

Because that word, power, has never been associated with anything good. That word had been reserved for God alone and the evil people who were against God.

But power is necessary, especially when you are making changes. You will have to be strong enough not to revert back to your old ways when things become difficult. You will have to be powerful to contend with demons and habits from the past. The power does not originate with us, but it flows through us…

You are going to laugh at me, but I feel so powerful that I don’t want to go outside. Something wonderful is happening to me. I am becoming a woman in her fullness… Everything I prayed for… It’s a lot. Just walking through that festival and being admired was a whole lot for me yesterday.

Allah, I feel like all of my prayers will be answered. They are already answered. I am afraid. This is what you prayed for, You tell me. This is who you are. But I only thought it was a prayer, a dream… I never imagined it would actually come true…

Opportunities are knocking on my door. I know where they come from. You. I cry out of sheer gratitude these days. I cry out of pure release… I am not even worried about the future. I feel powerful, God, like everything is OK. Is that OK? You say yes, because I know where the source of Power is. You say I am strong enough and kind enough to know Power now. You say that I know You now and so the power will not lead me astray…

Am I arrogant? Slightly, but just enough to balance out my sweetness. I accept spiritual power. I accept the fruition and fulfillment of my deepest dreams come true. I allow them to become my life now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. My life is a dream come true.

We have traversed so many landscapes together. We have dreamed for quite some time. Always something in the distance. We now come face to face with our dream come true. Real Love, Absolute, beckons. I hear it calling my name. Purposeful work, Divine work, whispers in the night. Close enough to touch. A majestic peace of mind washes over me in the midst of all storms and I’m all right…

I am at the beginning of living an intentional life, aren’t I? I am not that old girl anymore. I’m just not her anymore. Stand up and take Your place, You say. And I will. You are always with me. And I do. You are always with me…

Ameen

Day 248

In The Beginning

 

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From → New Beginnings

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