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Day 247 – When You Can’t Change The Devil

August 31, 2013

Feeling loved… My big sister called just to check on me… My big brother called to invite me to hang out…

Sometimes we need to be reminded to care for each other. It’s OK. All we really have is each other…

My Godson just interrupted me. He wants to talk about his schooling. He’s excited about school…

It’s two days later now. I started writing that top portion and then had things to do, but I’ll leave it there, because feeling Loved wasn’t on my mind this morning and I’d like it to be.

Good morning World. It’s 9:05 on a Saturday morning. So much happens in the course of a day. So many little decisions that we make. So many thoughts pass through our heads and so many words pass through our mouths. It’s a lot.

Yesterday I got assigned a parking spot in my complex. I wonder how much of it was due to my actions and thoughts and how much was due to pure Grace. I don’t know. That’s the problem. When you attribute everything to God and Grace, we tend to not take any action and not do things intentionally, thinking God will save and forgive us, and when we forget about spirituality, we lose sight of the fact that there is a multidimensional Universe being held up through laws and processes that we are only just now beginning to understand, billions of years after life began…

I got a parking spot yesterday. I give the credit to God because I didn’t know what to do. I felt so bad about everything that was going on in my complex. I had been passed over for two parking spots for no good reason. Management was talking to me like I was a dog and basically saying that they can do what they want. The lawyer that I went to see said that I didn’t have enough evidence. I would come home every day and see someone else parked in the spot I was supposed to be in. I would hear the neighbors standing underneath my window and gossiping about my situation.

I had mean, mean, vengeful thoughts. I felt sad. My family wanted me to go to war, gather evidence, pay lawyers, write threatening letters… but I didn’t feel like fighting. I wanted peace, but these were not peaceful people. These were people who just wanted to win. They didn’t even know why they were fighting. They just wanted to win. And I wanted to win, too. I mean, I didn’t even want a war to start with, but I just felt like I had been treated so badly. I couldn’t just sit by and do nothing.

So I laid in my bed. I felt sorry for myself. I cried. The whole world stopped making sense to me. All these wars and all these things we do to each other… We kill each other just because. Just because we don’t like the fact that someone has a thing that we don’t have. Just because someone doesn’t want to live a lifestyle that we think is right. Just because someone has an idea we don’t agree with. We take it upon ourselves to “show them”.

I couldn’t deny that there are people who are living at this level of consciousness. They will straight up kill you for no good reason. They exist. Evil exists and we walks amongst it every day. It exists within us, too. I couldn’t deny that. Oppression exists. Discrimination, manipulation, bigotry, power struggles. All of it exists. People chalk it all up to the devil, this evil entity that embodies everything negative. He is at a war with the good, and when he sees progress or goodness, he whispers into the hearts and the ears of people and causes them to go amiss. I think it’s a bit more complicated than that, but for the sake of simplicity, I will say that I became aware that the devil (and everything he represents) exists.

And the question came, “How do I fight the devil?” What do I do when someone does me wrong? It happens everyday. If we interact with people enough, we will be confronted with some form of negativity, some disagreement, someone trying to make us do something we don’t want to do, some jealous person giving us evil looks because we’re happy, some happy person stepping away from us because we’re sad, and sometimes, we may be the target of someone’s direct intention to harm us and sometimes that bullet could be aimed at us for no good reason other than the fact that we dared to be happy when they weren’t.

The devil exists.

The speaker at my spiritual center used to ask, “Are you willing to live a life so full of excellence that people will hate you”. He used to invite us to say, “I am willing to be hated”. Because it may come to that. It probably will.

The other day in my apartment complex, I felt the hatred. I felt the bullets intentionally pointed in my direction. I felt that I had been wronged and I felt powerless to do anything about it. I didn’t want to become like them and start shooting bullets back. I was done with vengeance. I didn’t want to sue the pants off them and make them pay and I didn’t want to run away either. I wanted them to do the right thing. I wanted to make them do the right thing. I wanted my parking spot and I wanted some rules put into to place so that they wouldn’t be able to discriminate against anyone else again… I wanted an apology.

Something occurred to me. It occurred to me that these people weren’t interested in doing what I thought was the “right” thing. I was trying to change the devil. I was trying to fight the devil and I could have left, but someone I knew that if I ran from the devil he would always chase me. I knew there must have been some other way. There must be a way to live in peace, I prayed. And I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. I recognized the opportunity. Right in front of me was an opportunity to grow up and practice what I preach. Right in front of me was an opportunity to trust God…

And I did. After praying for some time, I thought of something else. I could write the president of the company and let him know what was going on. It’s a big corporation and there was a chance that the president wouldn’t be all right with the ghetto antics going on in my complex. So I wrote him and told him everything…

A day later, my manager called me and asked to meet in person. She looked me in the eye for the first time. She smiled for the first time. She lied about why she hadn’t given me parking thus far and assigned me a spot. She said she would make a “concession” for all my troubles and I wouldn’t have to pay for the spot (they are not supposed to charge people for spots, but originally when I asked for a spot they said they would charge me). I looked at her. She hadn’t changed. She would do the same thing again if she could get away with it. I had been trying to reason with the devil. I had been trying to change the devil, but that wasn’t my job. We don’t change the world by trying to change each other. We change the world by changing ourselves, deferring to a higher Power and taking a course of right action in spite of the devil…

I accepted the parking spot. I’ll ask for a written contract on Tuesday…

Thank you, God.

Day 247

When You Can’t Change The Devil

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From → New Beginnings

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