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Day 243 – Stop Complaining

August 9, 2013

Hi,

So… I’m at work. Got a new temp job working with the same company but in a different department at a different location. I’m working at the medical school of a prominent university. It’s a medical center where med students at that school do their residencies and people also come to get services. The job is easy. The people are nice. The pay is just a tad bit little lower than my other assignment… I’m allergic to the air freshener in here. I think I’m allergic to hospitals in general, but in addition, I’m allergic to this air freshener.

The other day I realized that I’ve had a lot of sob stories. I mean, I’m sure they’re real. I experienced them, right? But I’m tired of them. This is supposed to be my new beginning, but it hasn’t been looking all new and shiny. Truth be told, I think drastic life shifts often start like that, with some stumbling and fumbling and withdrawals and relapses. But that’s not what I want to talk about. At some point, we have to make our lives our lives. I don’t know how to do all that yet. Get all the outside stuff that I want. I don’t have control of a lot of that. But I do have control of my internal state of being. I mean, I really do.

Day 243

Stop Complaining

There are people who have much less than me that smile much more, and there have been times in my life when I’ve had less than I have now, and still enjoyed a sense of peace.

So… I’m making a decision. For the remainder of this blog (and this is the last section, but we’re not there yet)… For the remainder of this blog, I’m going to stop complaining. My mind is telling me, “What? You do realize your eyes are red right now, don’t you?”. Yes, I do. I realize everything that is happening in my external life and I’m going to put in the work and effort to change those things, but I’m not going to complain about it. I’m going to practice gratitude. I’m going to change my perception. I’m going to give myself some credit for being where I am. I took a step back in my external life and I’m catching up now, but I’ve made huge leaps in my internal life, and somehow, I think that with the foundation I have now, whatever I build from this point forward will be solid.

Somehow I think this makes all the difference. I am here Lord. See me. I am here. This is not a trick or some brainwashing technique. This is me putting forth effort to change and grow, doing what I can to move forward in my life. Please allow me to know success. I allow myself to know success.

Here is the positive, no complaining version of where I am at this point in my life. I am thankful. My brain and my mind work. I can’t remember the last time my hair has fallen out and it actually grows these days. My body is so in tune that I am aware of the pollutants that surround me wherever I go. Thank you, God, for this awareness. It guides me to areas that are good and healthy for me. It allows me to protect myself. Thank you for the internal guidance that is building in me. Thank you for all of these temporary jobs that I’ve had. I have gotten so much clarity about what I’d like to do with my life. I have a clear vision, and I’m grateful for that.

And the men? Thank you for allowing me to interact with so many kinds of people on such deep levels. Now I know that whenever a guy tells me, “You’ll never find a guy who…” it’s a lie. There are all kinds of people in the world who live their lives in all kinds of ways. I recognize the rarity of true kindness, true compassion, and true knowledge of self, and I am so forgiving now because I know that most of us don’t mean it. I understand the phrase “forgive them Father for they know not what they do” even when it comes to myself. So I thank you for all of this, God. I thank you for everything that has happened that has led to this point in my life. I am happy with who I am. I actually comfortable in my skin, with all of my imperfections. And I know that being in comfortable in one’s skin (especially if you come pre-packaged in the skin I come in) is a feat in itself.

I am somebody. I am alive. I have Love in me and I know how to give it. I have skills in me and I know how to use them. My life is a good life, and there is nothing to complain about. Thank you so much…

Ameen.

 

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