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Day 241 – Fight Or Flight? (Pray For Peace)

August 5, 2013

Wow. I just got cursed out by a total stranger. Online!

I don’t know how I feel about this…. Hmm…

Someone emailed me and said that if I continued to write certain things, my life would change for the worst. And he called me a curse word!

I’ve been having neighbor wars. Parking wars. Long story short, the management in my complex passed me over for a promised parking spot one time too many, so I just started parking in the complex because I’d had enough. The place I park makes it slightly less easy for one of my neighbors to get in and out of her parking space. She can do it, but she just has to use her rear view mirror. So the other day, she came over to my apartment, banged on my door and told me not to park there. I said no and she cursed at me. I didn’t curse back, but I told her she must be out of her mind talking to me like that… She complained. I complained. This was a week ago.

I still park there. Although she hasn’t banged on my door or cursed at me, she still asks me to move every time she needs to get out. -_-

She doesn’t need me to move every time she needs to get out. I’ve seen her get in and out while other people are parked in that spot.

So I’m thinking about wars today. Fighting. I’m in the library and a baby is crying. Fighting. It’s been a while since I’ve been cursed out. It’s been a while since I’ve been in a good fight. I forgot about these things. The fact that someone just may not like you because you say a thing that they don’t agree with. Or they may not like the way you walk and try to harm you. They may not like the color of your skin and try and make your life difficult because of it.

These things exist in the world. Let’s not pretend they don’t. These kinds of people exist in the world. Mega egomaniacs that would try and make your life miserable because you succeeded without doing things the way they do things. Haters who can’t stand to see you thrive. People you know who are angry or hurt because you didn’t help them or because you left them or did whatever. They exist. They will not forgive and they will not be content until they have had their “revenge”.

So I was wondering what to do about this kind of energy, because it has come to my awareness lately. I’m trying to be good and stuff and I don’t really feel like fighting. Just not interested. At the same time, though, I’m not willing to just stand by and be punked and bullied and disrespected and I’m not willing to just be a bystander as some people perpetuate some of the gross injustices that happen.  Fight or flight?

I’ve never been much of a social activist. I stay in the background. I might write a poem or story or two or teach or mentor some kids, but that has been the gist of my social activism thus far. And with my heal the world international project, I haven’t experienced much direct opposition yet.

So this fighting this is new. Not new, but it’s been a while. And I don’t really want to fight. These situations are going to come up, I know. The other day, one of my god sons was telling me that some of the dancers in my dance class don’t like me because I dance good. ???? I had sensed that for some time, but he just validated it. And I don’t even dance that good!!!

So are you telling me, God, that if I am going to be my authentic self, if I am going to demand a freaking parking spot, and tell the truth about what I think and be all powerful and graceful and do things in the world… If I dare to be happy, Are you telling me there is always going to be opposition?

What to do about it? I don’t want to fight and I don’t want to run. With so many things I can’t figure out, You have turned me into a praying woman. Thank You. There must be something else besides going to war or running away. There must be another option. I refuse to be a coward. And I refused to recreate the hatred that is being targeted at me. I also refuse to be a victim. Protection is needed. Pray for peace, You say. Pray for peace.

It sounds silly. Sitting in a room praying while people shoot bullets at you. Tell me more, please. Calling the Angels. Protect me, please. I am praying for Peace. Guide my footsteps. Be in my words and my actions. All that is Alignment. All that is Divine. All that is Love. All that is Good. I give myself permission to be All that I Am. There is no more turning back. I give myself permission to Be All That You Have Created me to Be. There is no turning back. These little fights are little fights, but I know there are bigger fights out there. I know evil exists. I don’t understand it, but I know it exists. I no longer wish to participate in it. I no longer wish to perpetuate it. I wish to be protected from it. I wish for it to be expelled, from inside me and outside of me.

You say, Ask, and it will be granted, and I believe You. I trust You. You see, I know that all of this, I know that my desire to have a good life and be supported and express the things in me… I know that my desire for family and good community and sustenance, these things don’t come from me. They come from You. And so I know that I am on the right path. How do I know, You ask. I know because I know.

And I know that You can protect me. I know that You can guide me. I know what I know. And so I am asking, as I continue and as I become more aware of all that is, I am asking for Your protection. I am asking for Your guidance. I am praying for peace. Peace, peace, peace, peace, peace….

Day 241

Fight Or Flight? (Pray For Peace)

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