Day 238 – On Becoming Clear

I’m at work. I can’t breathe though… I wonder if this is an axiety attack. The g, y, t, and f on my keyboard don’t work that well…

Breathing… closing eyes. My officemates are in here, bu I need to close eyes and breathe. looking back at my blos, it is interesting to me that so many different thoughts go throuh one’s head in a day. From day to day, life can be so different.

I feel like I found an open space in my brain. I know I sound crazy, but let me tell you what it feels like. When I close my eyes and meditae or pray, someimes I’ll literally scan my brain and see what things look like. I’ll roll my eyes around up, down, left, right, diagnally and in circles and speak affirmations and prayers to all parts of my brain. There are certain parts that feel clear always when I put my eyes in that direction, but there is one part in particular that always seems to be stuck. I have a hard time looking in that direction and my eyes start twitchin when I speak affirmation there.

I’m not an alternative healer (yet) or a medical doctor, but I imagine that there is a blockage there. I have had chronic back pain for years. Acupuncture helped it drastically, but now, there is one spot in my lower back that aches from time to time. It’s literally one spot the size of a penny maybe. But whenever I get a massage and someone manages to access that spot, I feel the release directly in that spot in my head. It looks like a light just bursting open. And then all of my senses become super alert and everything, my hands, my mouth, start feeling really tingly.

This past weekend, I sat and prayed and meditated for hours until that blocked space in my brain bursted open, and I have been feelin tingly and having trouble breathing for the past few days. I’d like to think I’m leveling up, moving to a new state of consciousness. Actually, I know I am. But it’s not the most comfortable feeling, not being in control of your sensations.

My chatty coworker is trying to chat with me… -_-

Clarity and control are the themes of the day. Movement. Forward movement is upon me. Minor decisions have so much weight. How to spend time, who to spend it with or not, how to earn income. How to spend time… This is the thing about freedom that scares people back into slavery. When your mind bursts open, nothing is impossible. I mean nothing. I know you’re like, but I’m still poor and I don’t have this, that and the other still, but what I’m trying to tell you is that this, that and the other comes once you decide upon it. As Louisa May Alcot wrote, strong convictions precede great actions.

It starts with a clear mind, though, with a real choice, not a half-hearted blowing in the wind. I am learning about control though. I am learning so much that things become jumbled sometimes, but today I am trying to give you something and sort it out at the same time, so bear with me, please.

All those quotes that you hear when you’re younger make so much sense. “Become clear on where you wish to be going with this physical incarnation you call your life.

That is the message. We have been floating, bouncing, victims to every passing thought, victims to programs that were planted in our minds before we even knew they were planted. Our family, our race, our religion, our government, have all told us what is right and wrong and we said ok. We just said ok. and then we got our jobs and went to whatever school (or not) and had relationships with whoever or we rebelled and did the opposite just to rebel, but, at times like this, we sit, unsatisfied, itching.

There is something calling. Life. Our real lives are calling. It will not stop. And I am at work crying. It will not stop calling us until we answer, even if that call leads us to our death and we have to try another incarnation. It doesn’t end. And it says stank love is not enough. It says to me that this suffering thing is for the birds. It says get up and take your place. You are already there. you are already clear. You know what you know. you know who you are! and this is work indeed. This is lifelong work for some. you have done it in time. You have done the work of finding out what you want to do with this thing called life while you still have time and strength and brain to do something about it.

So, now, with clarity, do something. I await your every thought. I await your every move. I am on Your side. Receive. No need to force or make or doubt or worry. You have prayed already. Receive. You have found me, and when you act with clarity, every act leads to Me… Receive. Receive your life now and be blessed…

Ameen.

Day 238

On Becoming Clear