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Day 228 – New Beginnings

May 31, 2013

Hi there…

I’m back. From another adventure.  I’ve been out of the country for the past two weeks. Operation help heal the world/live the dream is in full effect…

Don’t ask me how it happened. Don’t ask me how I managed to actually go overseas, meet with the chiefs of several villages, do a needs assessment and focus groups where we consulted with over 500 residents, distribute medicines and food, get a land grant for agricultural development and work with a team of brilliant souls to design a development program that seems really feasible…

Don’t ask me how I am sitting here writing this blog and actually not worrying about anything at all, experiencing a sense of calm and surety for the first time in a long time.

 

Don’t ask me how my life is actually becoming my life…

It is, though…

There’s a lot on my mind. I haven’t written in a while. I just got back to the US yesterday and right now I’m down South with my family. One of my sisters is graduating this weekend. She’s awesome and strong and kind… I am blessed to come from a tribe of heros and kings and queens, big amazing hearts.

I have a lot to write about, but where to start? My trip? It was a success. We are starting a development center and hospital in the third poorest country in the world. Everybody thinks that the people there are idiots and foreigners come in to exploit them for their massive resources. The majority of the population are poor, uneducated and disempowered. And they are brilliant. And we want to help them. Because I come from those people. And because I have a thing for disempowered geniuses. I used to be one…

My heart is broken open and you will find me clean these days. No resentments. No woundedness. No fear. No somebodies from the past that I’m waiting on. I don’t feel anything in particular and it’s a little strange for me, because most of my life has been governed by feelings. It’s different not to feel anything. And yet, I don’t feel empty either. I feel safe and sure. Ya Khafil, the Surety…

This is the last leg of this journey to the other side of happy. I have crossed over to the land of possibilities and choice. I have made it to a peaceful place, no longer a prisoner to my thoughts and fears. Of course, some days I cry and get discouraged and disappointed, but overall, there is peace in me and I am glad to have my life.

There is one more chapter that I need to master, though. New Beginnings and Sustainability. It is the addict’s biggest challenge. After the motivational speeches and the therapy and the moments of ecstasy, how do we manage to sustain a level of goodness when we have been used to so much nonsense? 

When the old you has died, along with everything that came with it (relationships, possessions, etc), how do you recreate yourself and your life? When all your old values no longer matter, where do you make decisions from?

It isn’t something to be afraid of. It’s a question to ask in earnest until the answer comes. And the answer comes. Who am I now? Who is this new woman emerging into existence? I recognize her from my prayers and daydreams. She is so Lovely, God. Do I really get to be her?

-Give yourself permission to be Yourself, You say.

OK. I will. I do… What shall I do about this sustainability issue? Should I come up with a plan on how I’m going to maintain this wonderful high vibration that I have today?

-No Plan necessary, You say. Leave it up to You. Give it over to You. Trust You. Set an intention and work towards it as I am guided. Be open as the miracles unfold. That is the only plan necessary… Plan to be nurtured and supported every step of the way and plan to be a nurturer and supporter…

God, You are my Friend today. I feel Your presence here with me. You tell me that this is a good thing I am doing, this blog. You tell me that project help heal the world is phenomenal. You tell me that life has changed and the darkness is lifted now and forever more. You tell me to open my heart as wide as I can imagine. You tell me to finish the work I have already started and walk with ease. You tell me that a mighty mighty Love is on its way. You tell me a mighty, Joyful, Peaceful, Purposeful, Extraordinary life is already here. And as I write these words, I believe You. I am not afraid, and it feels so good to be not afraid. I am not worried about how things will work out. I trust that they will work out. They have already worked out. They are already working out. 

I trust You. Thankfully, Gratefully, Humbly, Joyously, I believe… 

Day 228

New Beginnings

 

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From → New Beginnings

2 Comments
  1. Ed Santiago permalink

    You are blessed and He has heard you.

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