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Day 225 – Grown-Up Stuff

April 29, 2013

I was afraid and so I sat down to blog about an hour ago. Then I closed my eyes to pray and meditate. And I am not afraid anymore.

I am having to do grown-up stuff now, stepping into my true calling… Sometimes it is scary to deal with big and powerful people when you are used to feeling small. Sometimes it is scary to step out and tell the world who you are and what you’d like to do, risking that you will be rejected, risking that people will stab you in the back, risking that you will not be successful….

And we come to the place of prayer, the place of surety, Ya Kafil… The place without fear. From here, we can see life clearly. We can plant seeds of confidence and excellence. We can make decisions for forward movement…

I’m moving forward. Soon I’m going to have a husband. I feel it. Soon my writing will be done, at least this phase of it… Soon I will have a lot of money… Soon, God willing, the community center I envisioned will be built. Soon, the me that I have always felt in my spirit will be me…

Life is different already. I am so much stronger. I am so much more at peace. I am so much willing and wanting to participate in this life… I dare say I am so happy… Even now.

This is what happens when I pray. Everything on the outside disappears and it is like a magic place opens up in my mind. I can even feel the presence of my heart in my body. All things seem possible to me and I feel bold and safe. The fear evaporates. Action is taken. Forgiveness takes over… Clarity takes over. Fear dissipates. Life has a totally different meaning. Peace becomes important and the mind is focused. Love… Love opens up in my heart.

My heart is open again. I guess it’s been almost a year since the disappearance of Dream Lover. My heart is open again. Oh, sweet Love. Oh, sweet Life. I am overwhelmed with the possibilities of all that you could be. I let go all the evil. Choosing good over evil in this moment. I’m choosing faith again. I’m choosing boldness. I’m choosing movement and ease.

You are making me into myself. I feel it. And if I had to go through this storm, if I had to cry a whole year straight and get my heart broken over and over… Whatever I’ve been through and whatever I go through, it’s worth it if I will actually be able to say that I lived my true destiny on Earth, if I actually am able to become my true self…

Oh, I’m in Love again. With nothing in particular. Here’s to a new day. A new day indeed…

225

Grown-Up Stuff

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