Day 212 – The Little Things

Good Morning.

It’s almost 9am. I have a busy day ahead of me. I’m still cat sitting, but guess what? I have had a good night’s sleep for almost the past week. I created a barricade for the cat, so she can’t come into my sleeping place. I also bought her some new kitty litter and I clean it out every day. I vacuumed and thoroughly cleaned this entire apartment, and I keep it clean daily, so the cat dander doesn’t really bother me as much. So it’s not so bad here anymore. Yesterday I went out to the beach for the first time. This apartment is literally a ten minute walk from the beach. I went for a run and discovered the beautiful ocean, volleyball nets, fire pits, and a trailer park full of beach people. I didn’t realize I’m living on prime real estate.

It’s not so bad. Life’s not so bad. One of my long lost ex’s sent me an email the other day asking for my forgiveness. He and I have been broken up for over four years now and he had never said sorry for anything. I don’t ask questions about miracles, God. I just let them be.

I made some money this week. Not a whole lot, but enough to pay the bills and eat what I wanted. I went dancing with some friends on Valentine’s Day. Someone actually asked me to be their Valentine, but I turned him down. FYI, this is the first year in  over ten years that I have not been involved with or dating someone on Valentine’s Day, but it is also the first year in over ten years that someone has asked me out on a Valentine’s date or offered me a gift. Don’t judge me. I’ve come a long way…

Today, God, I’d just like to take a moment to appreciate the little things. Food, shelter, income. A few good friends. Family. Peace of mind. People who will receive my love and people who give love on purpose. Thank you. Thank you for my back that doesn’t hurt all the time anymore and the health in my body. Thank you for my hair. It doesn’t fall out anymore. And thank you for making it fall out when my life is too stressful, giving me a sign that it’s time to chill out. Thank you for my sweet niece calling me last night just to chat. Thank you for my spiritual center that I’m about to go to, where I will see Will and his big, angelic hands. Maybe we will sit by each other  today, and even if we don’t, thank you for my spiritual center and all of the high-minded people that go there, creating such a vibrant vortex… Thank you, even, for this crazy adventure that I have been on that has helped grow me into a person with real Compassion and real Love and deep understanding.

I am not the same person I used to be, and although my life may not look all glamourous on the outside, I am beaming on the inside. It’s only a matter of time until my new life reflects the vibrant energy that I have been cultivating in me all this time. I’ve really been doing a clean-up job, and there was a lot to clean up, but I can feel my real self growing now, and I am Light. I am so much Light. I am so much Love. I am so much Beauty, and that’s ok with me. I am other things as well, stubborn and hypersensitive and even mean sometimes, but those things are ok with me, too. You know, I forgive so many people for their shortcomings and trespasses against me. I deserve to be forgiven, too. I’m not that bad.

I know this may all sound like gibberish to you, but it’s a big deal for me to realize, no, to know, that I’m not that bad. That I am good things and I can be good things. It’s a big deal for me to be comfortable in my own skin just as I am today. Without a man, and without a book deal and without all the fancy material things, I am still ok today. I am still Light and Love today. There are still little things in life to be happy about. Today. There is still peace of mind and downright bliss today. I feel like a grown up today. I am a grown up.

Yes, there are still things to do and places to go and other iterations of myself to be and deeper understandings to have, but today, Lord, I’d like to take a moment to appreciate the little things. They are important. They are enough for me. Today…

Day 212

The Little Things