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Day 177 – Out Put

October 17, 2012

So, it’s 8:20 am. I’ve been out of the house since 7. I woke up at 6 today and actually got up, got dressed, and got out of the house. It feels good to be up and out this early! I’m at Starbucks, blogging first and then I have a day of work planned! Who would of thought I would be so excited about work? But I am. I’m actually excited about not being depressed or scared and being able to do things that could possibly move me forward…

So here’s to life! And forward movement! Here’s to getting off the bed even if you’re wobbly and can’t breathe! Here’s to trying, just trying, to keep yourself together, in the midst of everything falling apart! Here’s to today being a good day…

We get to choose it over and over and over, and I’m sorry I keep saying the same thing, but I say it for myself, because I know I have to choose  a good day over and over. Just like riding a bike. You have to do it over and over and over until you know it to the point where you know you won’t forget it. I’m redefining myself, so I have to choose this way of being over and over and over, no matter what is happening or not happening in my outside life…

Today I’m ready to put out. Ha! I’m actually gonna give it up! Hahaha… Not in that way. I mean I’m going to put myself out into the world, like apply for stuff and submit stuff again. No one will ever know who you are or what you do if you don’t show them and tell them. So that’s my new commitment. Maybe that’s why I’m so excited. I realize there is a lot to do, but just like losing weight or saving money, if you just do a little bit at a time every single day, then one day you will get to your destination. So, I can commit to at least doing one on one on one every single day. One creative submission, one income generating application, and one hour of working on at least one my projects. This is just a minimum, but, having been a teacher, I know that you have to set realistic goals that your pupil can accomplish, that way they don’t get overwhelmed and think a task is too big. I know that I can do one on one on one without having a panic attack, and I can do those things even if I feel sick or weak and even if I get in a car accident or some dude breaks my heart or even if I have to go to some job I hate. It’s only three hours a day maximum, and I can commit to doing that no matter what is happening in the world.

So that’s it for today. Yay me! Yay everything… I’m thankful today. I guess you have to get really broken down to be thankful for a day where your mind is clear and thankful for a day where you’re excited about life and thankful for a day where you feel safe in the world and thankful for a day where you know that your life might be worth something after all. So, I’m even thankful for experiencing hopelessness and despair, because I can look in people’s eyes now and see when they’re not okay. And I can talk to folks. I can be a comforter because I know what’s up with all that stuff with go through. Not all of it, but I think the sadness and the bitterness and the confusion and the unhappiness with one’s life is the same, no matter where it comes from and we manifest it in different ways, but it’s the same look in the eyes… I can hang out with the hipsters now and see them for the strength that they have to have in order to be able to be themselves and the depth of understanding in their eyes… I am thankful for this day, God.

I am thankful for you reading and being here with me. I really am. I’m gonna make you proud…

Day 177

Out Put

From → The Good Stuff

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