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Day 165 – Cultivate The Conditions

September 24, 2012

Good morning world!

It’s almost ten am, and I’ve got to start working, but I wanted to write a bit before I get the day on the road. I kind of want to get all philosophical this morning, but I kind of want to blab out of the mouth like a little kid and tell you what happened.

Let me tell you.

I saw Mr. Almost Famous yesterday!!! If you haven’t been reading my blog, then you probably don’t know who he is, so I’ll explain briefly. I met him about nine months ago, at the beginning of the time when I started making visible changes in my life. I was smitten by him immediately, but he was emotionally involved with someone and not interested in a romantic type thing with me. So we continued to be friends. Mostly phone friends, as he doesn’t live in my town. Anyway, fast forward. We don’t communicate that often, and he always traveling for work, etc, and it had been a few months since we’d been in touch. So a couple of days ago, after having a wonderful prayer and meditation at the park, he was on my mind. So I sent him a text telling him I missed him and wishing him well. This was early in the morning. I didn’t hear from him all day, so I figured he was either out of the country, or so involved with his girl or so famous now, that maybe he was done with our friendship. So later that evening, I get a text back from him saying that I have great timing and that he just landed in LA!!! I met him at my spiritual center the next morning… What can I say?

This is what I can say. All relationships are not equal. In his presence for just five minutes, I am lifted so high. He is so high. He is so good. He gives. I’m really sensitive and I can feel this kind of thing. He gives. With every word, every gesture, he pays attention, and he gives of himself from the very depths of him, not because he wants something from you, but because he gives. And he knows he has something to give, yet he’s so humble…

Can I say that I am blown away? I am blown away, God. Just like that you put me in the presence of a phenomenal man when I was needing to be reminded that they exist. And I understand what the preachers and teachers and philosophers say when they say that just by being yourself you can lift up the world. He does that…

I think he likes me, but I still don’t think he’s interested in me romantically. I am honored, though, that someone like him would find me worthy of his time. I know I sound like a big groupie, but that’s how I feel. He’s better than me. Or I guess I should say that he’s at a higher level of consciousness than me. And it’s not about money or fame, because I have known and been involved with men who have more money and more notoriety than him. It’s about how he lives his life, even when no one is watching. It’s about integrity and kindness and an authentic giving of oneself just for the sake of giving. He’s not mean, Lord, even when he can be. But he’s not a punk either. He’s the kind of guy that a woman like me could actually give her heart to and trust that it would be taken care of…

And that is the thought that kept me up all last night until 6 o clock this morning. The real possibility that there exists in this world the kind of man that a woman like me could trust her heart with. I have never met that kind of man. There was always something missing. Maybe they were successful, but just so mean. Or spiritual, but they looked down on others who they didn’t think qualified to be in their presence. Or maybe they really loved me, but I knew that they hadn’t even begun to come into themselves yet and maybe never would. Or they were hermits who didn’t participate in the world. Or busy men who were just so busy being busy.

I don’t think I’ve ever even seen with my two eyes, in person, the kind of man that I even thought I would be safe being me with. And this idea of safety, this idea of possibility, this idea that I could be loved by someone outside of me that I, too, would adore, is such a wonderful thought to have. Thank you, God. It doesn’t have to be Mr. Almost Famous. In fact, he has given me no indication of interest in that way, so it probably won’t be him. But I believe that my Love exists now. I felt it. Oh, it was such a little bit, just a thought of what it would be like to be Loved and I could revel in that thought all day. In fact, I just might. Because when I feel like it’s possible that I could be Loved, I clean my house a little faster. I do my work with more joy and excitement. I smile at people on the street and engage deeper with the ones in my inner circle. I don’t even get as annoyed with those in the world that would seek to destroy the good things, and I’m so forgiving.

The Love of my life is coming soon, isn’t he? My life is changing, isn’t it? You were right God. The seeds grow on their own if you plant them, and then cultivate the conditions for them to flourish. I have already done the planting, and now I am continuing to clean up my heart, and my mind and to practice being in alignment and practice doing the work I’m called to do and love people. Today is such a good, good day… Ameen.

Day 165

Cultivate The Conditions

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