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Day 156 – Beyond Appearances

August 7, 2012

I’m bummed out. Just found out that I got rejected for a screenwriting program that I really thought I was going to get accepted into…

God, You’re really doing a number on me… I had forgotten that rejection was a possibility for some time… So, I’m sitting in Panera Bread trying to get some work done before I go to a networking event tonight. The event is held by the organization that just rejected me. I didn’t know they were going to make decisions already, so I thought that if I went and met some of the people there, it might have increased my chances of getting picked.

Jokes on me. They already picked the people they wanted. Those people came to the networking event last month. I’ll still go to the event. I’ve got to fix my face, though, so I don’t look all sad and dejected.

So, okay. Now what? I made a really good connection with someone this past weekend that might help with my save the world overseas plans… I can feel the fear creeping in, God. The insecurity. It’s possible that nobody picks me. It’s possible that this doesn’t work. It’s possible that I can’t do it. That’s why my sibling told me to just give our land overseas to someone else? He didn’t think I could do it. Why do I think I can do it anyway?…

Is this all part of the plan? Knock me out with my greatest fears and see what I do now? Well, guess what I’m going to do? I’m not going to cry. So there! I’m not going to cry anymore. I’m going to suck it up, and I’m going to work with what I have. Just like I told my little yoga students a long time ago. “My mind’s made up with every thought. To do the best I can with what I’ve got.”

Let’s not play pretend anymore. I will never be all right with myself unless I can say I gave it my all. And I haven’t yet. I haven’t given my writing thing my all. Submitting the second draft of one script to one person is hardly saying that I tried my best to get this movie made. So that’s it.

Thank you. Yep. Thank you, God for this rejection. If you are for me and not against me, and if I am really trusting in you like I say I am committed to doing, then I have to thank you for everything. Everything that looks bad and everything that looks good. I have got to get beyond appearances. So thank you. Because I’m sitting in a cafe and I’m not crying even though things didn’t go as I had wanted them to.

I’m just not going to do it anymore. I’m not going to cry. There is nothing to let go of anymore, and crying is just a little habit that I’m about to break. I’ll do it when I need to, but right now, what I need to do is remember and tune in deeper. What I need to do is practice what I preach and work diligently. Right now is not the time for crying or closing up or getting scared of rejection. Right now is the time for rejoicing and opening my heart more and more. Because a new day is on the horizon. In fact, a new day is already here.

I have dreams of going into a nation of people who have seen greater disappointment than I can even imagine and teaching them how to move towards the light regardless. So here is my board exam. Can I do it? Can I move towards the light in spite of all appearances of darkness? Can I find your voice within me, God, and keep listening to it with no guarantees. Can I finally come to grips with the fact that in life, there are no guarantees? Can I embody wisdom and strength and still be loving? This is what they mean when they say “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil”…

It’s not about some guy walking through a graveyard and not being scared. It’s about what happens inside of us. It’s about standing up when everything seems like it’s falling apart and saying praise God! It’s about trusting and believing that whatever is happening to you or around you is taking you to a higher place, and so you’ve got to say thank you. Because you don’t know what is in the works for you. I don’t know if I’m about to sell that script to the recent connection I made tomorrow.

And so, God, it’s me and you buddy. I actually believe that you are for me and not against me. Why would you be against me when you created me? And if you are for me and not against me, then everything in the universe is working together for my good. And if this is true, then this rejection is a good thing. This premise dries up my tears. It gives me strength and faith. I am staying open. Sorry, devil. I’m not retreating into fear this time. I’m staying open and I am finding the truth beyond appearances… Beyond appearances…

Day 156

Beyond Appearances

From → The Good Stuff

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