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Day 145 – Flow

June 22, 2012

Dear world,

It’s such a pleasure to reach out and connect with people. This is my joy. To be a part of it all.

Dream Lover is asleep in the room. Yes, him. I am here with him. I think this will last…

I feel like I’m in some kind of dream. I made it to my destination safely.  I had another bout of resistance along the way and got out of it by screaming, yelling, and singing affirmations to myself. I ended up writing the rest of a song I’d been working on through that ride…

Dream Lover explained everything to me. He was a scared as* and a jerk. Meh. OK. I forgive him. It’s just easier to forgive. People grow. He’s making amends and showing himself trustworthy now.

I work on my projects all day, exercise, read books and spend time with him. He pays for everything and gives me money and he seems to like doing that. We plan what we are going to do next together. I’m a planner and he’s an executer. He’s ready to get moving on all the things I said I wanted to do in this life but never really thought I could do. He wants to help me do them. He thinks they are good ideas, and since he’s a successful businessman with connections in high places, I believe him. I’m trying not to be scared…

Life is just flowing so smoothly now. Is this real, God? Is this me? Is this my life now? How did I get here? I’m one of those women now. The clean ones that I see at the parks at 11 am taking their children out for walks. The business owners with manicured nails that seem so stress free. The happy ones that seem like they have husbands who actually adore them and are nice to them. I’m becoming one of those women. I can see my new life on the horizon. I am smiling. I am helping people. My skin is clear and my hair grows. I am helping people, but I’m so modest and kind. Is that me? I’m so happy. I do a lot for the world, but it’s not a burden. It’s a joy. I’m like a kid, and in this vision, I even have kids. They are playful and cute like their father. They learn how to laugh big from him…

So this is it. Fear, you are actually losing your grip on me. I see you but you can’t come in. Thank you for protecting me all this time from all the dangers I could have put myself in, but I’d like you to go now. Your services are no longer needed and there are other people in tough situations who could benefit from your company. Thank you for all that you have done for me, but I am safe now, and you see, I can’t take you with me to this new place. You wouldn’t even be interested in coming with me.

Dear God of the heavens and the Earth, master of all that is seen and unseen, dear world, dear me, i am surrendering all that I have been for all that I now am becoming. I am allowing my mind, my body and my spirit to be clean and new again. It is all right with me if I don’t fully understand this process or everything that happens in the world. In this moment, I am stepping into my destiny anyway. I allow life to flow through me. I allow life to flow as me. I am life. I am alive. I reach out and connect to the very essence of aliveness. I give myself to the world, Allah. Here I am. I am here with all of my pieces. Let me savor this moment a little longer… I can see my dream life actually being my real life for the first time ever. I am here Lord! I am myself again. I am myself for the first time ever. And I let it flow. Life is for me and not against me… I let it flow. Yes, Lord, I let it flow. Ameen.

Day 145


From → The Nitty Gritty

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