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Day 140 – No More Half Stepping

June 6, 2012

Another beautiful day. Back and forth, I know, but today is forth. Let’s go a lot forward so that if we move backwards, we at least won’t be in the same place, but will have moved ahead.

God, I feel connected today, like you are on my side. These storms and doubts are little now, creatures of habit more than feelings that have much power over me. People believe in me. My family actually thinks that I can do anything I choose to do, and that means a lot.

Let’s do some work today. Yesterday, I read some profound words and instructions about choice and intention, and I’d like to test them out. My gut tells me they are true. The book reads:

“What is important is that your life choices are made with the energy of decisiveness, and that the full power of your intent supports the avenues selected… The energy of reluctance has no place in the exercise of choice, when the optimum result is to be forthcoming… For the highest possible outcome of any potential life experience, it is necessary for you to be fully present. That means putting the full throttle of your energetic intent behind where you stand, in any given moment… Halfway does not count. Not in the way you would wish it to.”

You know, the words and syntax in this book are pretty complex, and sometimes I have to read passages over and over before I understand them, but somewhere in that chapter, I understood something so profound. And then I read  my “Calling In the One” book, and it was talking about the same thing: setting clear intentions and living a life that is consistent with the choice you have made.

So, I think I have something to talk about today. Actually, I am choosing to talk about something today. Recognizing that for some time, I have been kind of, sort of deciding to maybe to do some things and possibly live a certain way. In effect, I have been kind of , sort of doing the things I said I wanted to do. Maybe.

Granted, you have to start where you are, and when I started this blog, I wasn’t thinking about making choices or creating the life of my dreams. I was just trying to find a way to make it through the day and that’s fine. That’s where I was at the time. But I’m somewhere else now. Because after you learn how to make it through the day, you start wondering what you would like to do with your day now. Now that you don’t have some fight to fight or something to cry about or a crisis to tend to.

Once you stop crying and in effect get rid of all the extra drama in your life (it’s kind of like what happens when you decide you don’t want to cry any more), you start asking yourself what life is really about and you might come to a place where you have to decide what you would like your life to be about from this point forward.

This is where I’m at today. I’ve thought about this before, but I have never thought so deeply about what it would really mean, what I would really have to do for me to actually make my life about what I say it’s about.

I’ll give you an example. The other day, an ex-boyfriend of mine called me up. Essentially, he was trying to find a way to spend a lot of time with me this summer. He had some very exciting things that he wanted to do. Now, I have said and have been saying for a long time that I want to be married to someone. In fact, I think I told someone that I wanted to meet my husband before August of this year. I know that I’m not going to marry this ex. But in the past, I would have spent the summer with him just because it sounded like fun, and then August would have come and of course I wouldn’t have met my husband because I would have been with ex the whole summer. In the past, my actions would have been directly contrary to what I said I wanted to do with myself.

It sounds silly, but today is the first day that I’m thinking about consistency. Not only do you have to take actions towards the realization of your goals, but you have to stop taking actions that are contrary to what you say you are trying to create if you really want to see change in your life.

I’ve been cheating myself. Eating ice cream and working out. Making powerful affirmations and following them up with self-destructive behavior. Spending so much time cultivating romantic relationships that are going no where…

It’s okay. I forgive me if no one else does. But I’m gonna do something different now. For real different. God, if you will be with me, I would like to make a real decision today. I have been afraid, You know, of so much. I have been half-stepping in life, never fully being in a relationship with any of these guys, only taking my writing work somewhat serious, not finishing stuff, dropping the ball on major opportunities to do all kinds of work, being all poor when there are so many ways I could make money. Forgive me, please. Forgive me, Laydie for putting you through so much unnecessary suffering and trauma. I didn’t really know that life could actually be anything I choose. I didn’t really believe that anything was possible.

But God is showing us a new way of being. There have been people who have lived this way before. Many of them are still alive. These people live from a place of true and genuine choice. It doesn’t matter if you’re not rich right now, okay? I know it doesn’t make sense to you at times, but for a moment I need you to get out of your mind so you can see the truth… They taught you that the rational mind is all there is, but that’s a lie. Beyond everything you have every experienced is everything you’ve never experienced, and that is where we are headed. That is the work you are doing now. that is the life you are creating now. So let’s go. Now. Choose now. Yes, choose now. . Yes, choose now. Choose now. Let the whole world know, even the haters. There is no fear in an authentic choice. there. See. You ccan feel it. I am with you. Choose to help people all over the world endeavor to live fulfilled lives. Choose it. I have been waiting for you to choose it wholeheartedly. Choose it. The rest is easy after this. You don’t even have to believe. You just have to choose. Choose, in spite of your mind, in spite of all evidence to the contrary.

Sit in your heaven bound car and remember, I have ways and means that you know not of. Do you remember? A year ago you sold your car and when your friends ridiculed you, what did you say? You said I would provide, and did I not? And did you know? Could you have ever imagined how I would get this to you? Of course not. So now, I need you to choose the rest of your life with all your heart. I will provide indeed, if you just give me something to work with. Choose to have a husband. You need him at this point. Choose to be successful. It is your only calling. Ready? Let’s go. Don’t edit this one.

With all of my heart, with every ounce of my being, with all of my mind and soul, I choose to live the life that I am destined to live on this Earth in this lifetime. With all of my heart, I choose to live the life that I was destined to live on this Earth in this lifetime. I trust that I am good and that God is good and that life is for me and not against me. Life is for me and not against me. god is for me and not against me. All of my actions, my thoughts and my words are now, yes now, now and forever more in alignment with this choice. I put my choice out into the atmosphere and God, I accept the changes, the miracles and the manifestations that are to come. Ameen.

Day 140

No More Half Stepping

From → The Nitty Gritty

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