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Day 124 – The Time Is Now

April 17, 2012

1017pm. At my Alma Mater about to work all night long. There are so many students in here just doing work. A secret world.

Today has been such a good day. Amazing how life happens like that. One day it seems like everything is falling apart and then the next everything seems possible. I guess change can get messy sometimes.

In approximately 30 hours, I will be turning in my second draft of a script. I got asked for a second draft. I’m going to do my best and leave the rest to God. I must say that I am feeling rather anxious, though. If I sale this script, my life will be changed forever more.

So, I’m breathing, and blogging and trying to ease myself into the change that is taking place, but there is no easing. Whether it seems easy or hard, change has come knocking on my door. It has pushed me out of my comfort zone and caused me to look at all the deep seated issues that have been in me for so long. It has busted my heart open and caused me to feel again, and now, it is asking that I stop dreaming and start being. It is whispering to my soul that I am here already.

I am no longer amazed by how much you can learn in a day. I’m looking at this thought that is floating around, this “I’m not good enough” that is sitting in my head somewhere trying to rear it’s ugly head just as I am about to make real peace with sis and actually take the next step in my writing career. I’m looking at it as it tries to stop me from releasing patterns of dysfunctional relationships and accepting real and authentic companionship. And I’m changing it. I’m moving the letters around. In fact, I’m erasing some letters and adding others. Editing, if you will.

And now, Lady, we are going to put into practice what we know. Yes, I am talking to myself. Listen. We are good enough, Okay? We are good enough. We are good enough. We are worthy of the very best in life. Let’s accept it. I know, this is new territory. We are safe. Don’t you see how far we have come? Don’t you see all that we have lived through? We are here now. The place we have been dreaming of forever. Don’t worry. Once the dream comes true, we will have new dreams and new dreams and new dreams. There is no way I can disappoint you. You are on track. Give me the chance to surprise you. Give me the chance to Love you. You have to let me. Oh, I so want to Love you.

You are strong now. You can handle Love. It is almost like pain. Intense. Wrenching. You are comfortable with pain, but Love is just the same. Only it’s the other side, you see? You will still feel something. Excitement. Not quite drama like you’re used to, but exhilaration. Oh, it’s a good thing, Lady, and it’s your time. Sometimes it’s just your time. It’s your time now. Do you understand? It is your time to Love. It is your time to cross over. Sit with it…. You have been preparing for a mighty mighty life. You had a mighty big dream and you had to do some growing and some letting go before you could handle it. But do you feel your heart now? It is the same heart. Do you know the difference? Yes, you do. You can feel your aliveness now. You are ready.

Do not doubt what I have in store for you. It is your time. Do not doubt that you are on the straight path. You have finally found it and learned to walk it. Do not doubt that you are a miracle. I know, you don’t want to be special, but you are. Go and do your work now. Say it with me now. “I am good enough.” Say it to that spot over your right eye that always tremors when you mention change. Say it to the place behind the center of your forehead that has become so used to holding a frown. “I am good enough. I am good enough now. I am good enough now. I am good enough now. Now, now, now. I accept my blessings now. I accept the change now. I love now. I Love now. The time is now. Now. I am good enough now. I am great now.” Ok, that’s a hard one to swallow. Let’s stick with what we can accept. I am good enough now. Heck, let’s just go for it. I am great now. I am great now. I am great now. Over and over until your mind accepts it. Over and over. We have all night.  Tonight we are not stopping until we have done our best. We are not stopping until we have given our all. We are going there tonight. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now…

Day 124

The Time Is Now

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