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Day 110 – Best Case Scenario

March 22, 2012

This latest part, Life on The Other Side of Happy, has been the rockiest. This journey has been a complete self experiment, and as I look back on who I was when I first sat down and just wrote- anything – so that I could stop crying every day, I see that I have come a long way. I’m no longer concerned with not crying every day. I mean, I don’t cry every day anymore. I get off the bed and even wake up early and do stuff with my life. I won a car and a bunch of money since starting this blog, for God’s sake, and I have met more wonderful people than I have ever known in my entire life. Although my brother and I don’t have the optimal relationship that I would envision, we are not enemies, and I am good with the rest of my family… So, the defensive, hurt part is over. Although little incidents occur from time to time as I am growing, they are not paralyzing. The focus of my life is no longer, how can I manage to get out of this pain, but I am shifting into the place where I have to figure what to do now since the pain no longer occupies so much of my brain space.

And I have to say that this creative,  making a life from nothing, part has been tricky thus far, with sudden bursts of rapid progress followed by stagnation and the uncovering of yet deeper demons. I’m on for the ride, though, and I’m going to continue with this experiment until the end, until I can testify and say that it is possible. I’d like to do that. I realize that you can’t really teach people anything that you don’t know about. And so it would only make sense that if my destiny is to help people improve their lives and get out of pain and suffering and learn how to manifest their Divine purpose on Earth, then I have to be able to demonstrate that I know what I’m talking about, and in order to know what I’m talking about, I have to know a thing or two about pain and despair, and brokenness. I have to know about betrayal and jealousy and self-contempt and stagnation and poverty and all the sad things because the people I will be helping will probably being experiencing many of those things. I have a friend who has never been poor and he can’t even imagine what it feels like to go in a store and not be able to buy green juice. He doesn’t get it, but I do…  And so in this moment I am thankful for all of the schooling that I have gotten throughout my life. I bestow upon myself a Ph.D in sadness, dissatisfaction, confusion, guilt, loneliness and poverty. If you are suffering from any of these symptoms in life, I can definitely relate to you and even advise you on methods to lesson their severity, but we will have to stop once the symptoms are relieved, because I am not yet qualified to speak on life on the other side of these conditions.

I am still in school and learning about how to move from one end of the spectrum to the other, but I am committed to getting my Master’s in transformation, happiness, Divine Peace, clarity, connectivity, freedom of spirit, love, abundance, prosperity, and Divine Guidance and Action. This is how I am choosing to see this part of the process. I am in school. The only difference here is that I am the teacher as well and I don’t have to sit in a classroom for four years. Once I’ve learned a particular lesson, I am free to get to work immediately and even get paid for it…

And so I have an assignment for myself today. Today, I am going to plant a vision in my mind: best case scenario. I’ve spent a lot of time contemplating the worst case scenarios in life, and I experienced them. It’s about time to think about what the good stuff looks like. What would be the best case scenario in my life and what would I have to do to make that happen? Even that thought makes my heart race a little. Can you imagine? We say we want all this stuff, but sometimes we can’t even bear to think of what it would be like to actually have it. So, in this moment, I’m going to indulge my heart and use my wonderful imagination to think of the best case scenario of my life. I’d like to share it with you, and I invite you to imagine your own, because every act of intentional creation must start with an intention.

Best Case Scenario

I polish my writing portfolio one more time, taking heed to all notes and all things I have learned recently. I complete this in a very short amount of time. In the meantime, an opportunity to collect a large sum of money presents itself and I capitalize on this and pay off the rest of my lease and bills until August so that I can have some peace of mind… after polishing my works one more time, I submit them again to the many contacts I have made and researched and I receive an immediate postive response which involves money and the immediate purchasing and publication of at least one book, one song, and one script! Oooh let me say that again. After I submit my works again, they are immediately received well and it results in a major purchase which shifts my financial trajectory for the rest of my life. I am looking forward to this! I manage to organize my house and get my body in tip top shape. I buy healthy food and cook it and friends and family come around and eat and we cook together and share and laugh. We love each other and there is mutual goodwill with all parties present. There is joy and fun in my heart and a clean conscience. I am at my best and life calls me to greater things quickly. I respond and among these greater things, there is a man. There is a wonderful man here. He loves me exactly as I am. He doesn’t try to make me smarter or dumber or less or more than I am. He adores me, “no-grow” hair and everything. And I love him exactly as he is. I feel something in my heart again. Passion, desire, joy. I have already felt these things, but I feel them even stronger with him. It is something I’ve never had, but I’m going to allow myself to have it right now, in my mind. Best case scenario: I am in Love with a good man. A strong, honest, genuine, powerful soul who lives his life with integrity and treats me with Love, kindness and compassion. He is in Love with me too and he is patient and gentle with me… Wow.

God, could this be real? You are not talking to me. Where are you? Oh. There you are. You say You are here in me. You say I am learning. In this practice, I am discovering the steps I need to take from this point forward. I am learning. I am learning, God. I am growing… Good job, You say… Good job.

Ameen.

Day 110

Best Case Scenario

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