Day 99 – Love Any Way

Up early again today. Took a minute to send a text to the Latest Drama, the person who called me the devil. I told him how much he has hurt me over the years and I told him that I was tired of being attacked by him…

He doesn’t care. Actually he does care, but he wants me to believe he doesn’t.  He was number two on the list of people I love most in this world, and he hurts me so bad. And he doesn’t know. It’s not even the fact that he called me the devil or whatever. It’s the fact that he was trying to hurt me. He has been trying to hurt me for so long…

And it comes to mind that this dynamic, between the number two person that I love most in the world, and the number one person that I love most and the number three person that I love most, they are all the same. Oh, they Love me. Deeply and profoundly. But they don’t want me to know it. They want me to know that they will leave me, abandon me, not be there for me, lash out and attack, if I don’t act right. They want me to know that they are running things…

This doesn’t work for me anymore, God. Having a heavy heart doesn’t work. Resentment and anger, they don’t work any more. Not interested in dysfunctional relationships, manipulation of power dynamics, or anything else but a good thing. I will change. I don’t mind. I know that there is something in me that has attracted this kind of dynamic for so long. It’s what I’ve been used to. But I’m willing to change. I’d like to change now and forever more. I am willing to do my part, God.

-You say I am already changing and that is why these old relationships are falling away. They are not willing to change and so they no longer fit in your paradigm. See the Truth of what is happening. Bless them on their path. Don’t judge them. You have been just as bad and worse. Just bless them. Forgive them and Love them. Release the need for them to ever say sorry or do anything different. Love them unconditionally in the way they could not Love you. It is ok. You have been Loved unconditionally by others. Be wise now…

OK… I’ve felt depressed for the past two days after being torn down by Latest Drama, but I’m off the bed today and I will actually get my book proposal turned in by the end of today. Hopefully they will take it home for their weekend read…

When I think about the little dramas that we are all entwined in, I feel silly. Such small things that we hoard for life. Someone hurt us and so we close our hearts. We weren’t able to do a thing (make some money, lose weight, finish a project) and we started thinking we were worthless. Someone betrayed us and we decided that we could never trust again… We lost touch with each other and we forgot that life could be good… Deep down we are starving to remember…

But we are waking up, little by little, one by one. We coming into ourselves. We are choosing to be good again. We are choosing to do the things that we have been called to do and be the people we are being called to be. We are standing tall and slaying the demons as they come or even learning to live with them. I know that I am not alone on this journey… Literally as I’m writing this my friend just called me to check on me and make sure I’m working today.

We are blessed beyond our fondest dreams. We are loved beyond our fondest dreams. Help is everywhere. Love is everywhere. Answers are everywhere. We can not always see them, but don’t be discouraged. Stand up anyway and open your arms. Bend down anyway and let the fear fall off. Take an honest step and see what happens. Love anyway. Love any way.

Day 99

Love Any Way