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Day 91 – Practice Being Yourself

January 16, 2012

It’s before the sunrise again. I’m supposed to meet up with someone to go running and I’m actually going to try to be on time, so this one won’t be long.

God, I would like to say Thank you. Small miracles are happening daily. Yesterday, shortly after writing my blog, I sent my almost-friend who had been avoiding me a facebook letting him know how I felt about his behavior. I tried hard not to curse at him (and I succeeded) and just be honest about my feelings. About five minutes after pushing the send button, he called me. It was the first time he’s ever called me. His voice was rich and deep and he was completely apologetic. I sat on the other side of the phone in shock and gratitude. Here I was thinking my words would push him away for good, but instead, my honesty brought him closer.

This is new to me. I am being myself with people and instead of running away, they are coming closer. My mind says, wow. I can actually be my real self and people I like could possibly like me too. What a phenomenon.

So today I am expecting a miracle again. I’m a bit apprehensive about running because I don’t want to faint or get sick, but I’m going to just breathe and allow myself to go farther still. It’s becoming normal. I am becoming stronger and pushing past my limits doesn’t seem as frightening as it used to. I think it’s because deep down I know I can do it and I won’t die. That’s the thing about all these theories and philosophies. You have to practice and experiment and then you find them to be true or untrue. When you find a truth, you can plant it in yourself and it becomes your life.

So, reader, today this blog is for you. I’d like to give you something because I feel able to give today. How Not to Cry Every Day? How to Blossom? Practice being yourself. I know, some of us are far removed and we don’t even know what that means or who ourselves are. But deep down, we know that there is a place that tells us right and wrong. Friends will tell you one thing, but deep down you know something is or isn’t right. There is a storage unit in our minds where all the unanswered questions live, all the unfulfilled dreams linger. There is something bruised in our consciences where we want to mend a relationship or create one. We want to tell someone sorry or thank you, but we think it isn’t cool. We want to love a bit more, but we are scared. We want to stop doing a thing that isn’t good for us or get over someone. Life is moving and we find ourselves not moving with it, burying ourselves deeper and deeper inside, lying, and coming up with all kinds of fantastic rationalizations as to why we are living the way we are living. Trust me. I know. I know what it feels like to sit around and feel like you are trapped by all of your unfulfilled desires. And I also know that we are all going to die. It’s the only thing people have been able to prove. Pain and discontent doesn’t go away with avoidance and denial. As an old friend used to tell me, wherever you go, there you are.

There is a way to get out of the trap, but you have to practice. It’s a catch 22, I know, but be encouraged. People want to know you. There are people who are looking for exactly what you have. I’ll never forget. Some years ago I was driving a very raggedy old Buick station wagon. No matter where I parked it, it was the raggediest car on the block. I bought it from the auction for $250 because I really needed a car with storage for my job at the time. Long story short, there came a time when I wanted to sell that wagon. Friends told me that I would never sell it and that I should just try and sell the parts. I put an ad online anyway. It couldn’t hurt. A couple weeks later, a young guy came to buy my car for $450. He was in a rap group and it was his first car. He said that he had been looking everywhere for that car and commented on how cool it was. I couldn’t believe it, but I took the money!

As you practice being yourself, people might reject you initially. In fact, the people who know you to be someone else probably will. You are changing and they are not. It makes folks uneasy and it challenges them. Your growth challenges others to look at their own life, and that’s OK. Sooner than later, you will find one, or most likely some who appreciate you for exactly who you are. Someone will commend you on your bravery. Someone will thank you for being brave enough to tell the truth and take a stand for what you believe. Someone will say that you help them to be more comfortable being themselves, and you will find that you are OK.

We are OK. Just the way we are.

Day 91

Practice Being Yourself

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From → How To Blossom

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