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Day 85 – Go Farther

January 8, 2012

It’s late afternoon. I went for a run early this morning and ended up catching a cold which ended up being a blessing. It kept me home all day, and, unable to sleep, I have been doing some internal work.

I ran with a family member, who runs marathons as a hobby. As we ran the track, I found myself pushing my body further than I normally do. Running is one of my least favorite exercises. In my opinion, it’s boring and I get tired really quickly. But, of all the physical activities that I do, it shakes me up the most. Like, literally of course, but also mentally. My mind trips out, I sweat and itch in places that I don’t even realize exist, I feel stress relief in my shoulders and head, and even my lips feel invigorated.

So, this run today was particularly challenging. I couldn’t figure out what was up, and then it dawned on me: I was doing more than I had done in a long, long time and my mind and body were not happy about this sudden shift.

In other news, yesterday I went to a very fancy meeting with filmmaker people and I ended up speaking in front of the crowd and telling them about a script I had written. After the meeting, one of the people approached me to tell me he liked my idea… Life is lining up nicely, and I’ll be honest. I got scared.

This is new territory. This is new territory. I’m becoming a new person. The other day I was actually nice to a man. Me! Nice! Trust me, it hasn’t happened in a long time…

So, I’m glad I got this cold today, because I had to sit in and find something I could hold on to in this midst of all this new stuff. Sometimes, as we are growing, in an effort to have some sort of stability, we grab on to anything from the past: negative attitudes and fears that have comforted us throughout the years. We call people we can’t stand or start procrastinating just so that we don’t have to step into something different. We start an argument that’s gonna make us sad again or spend a bunch of money on something we don’t need. If we continue with this pattern, we find that we are again moving backwards. Same old drama. Same old hesitation. Same old confusion…

I’m no longer interested in moving backwards and at times like these, it can be hard to find help, especially if you don’t quite know how to articulate what you’re going through. So, I went to myself today, and for me, going to myself means going to God. I know everyone doesn’t believe in God and we have different ideas of what or who God is, etc, and I’m not here to debate about or discuss that. I’m just talking about what works for me here. Do what works for you. What I have found to be true for everyone, though, is that no matter  how much any one of us knows or understands, there are always greater levels of understanding beyond our current perceptions. And so when I go to God, this is what I seek and this is what I open myself to: a greater level of understanding beyond my current state of being.

In my meditations today I became aware of the many miracles that have happened in my life alone, much less the lives of others that I have known, and I realized that although I have come far, it is possible for me to go further, and I asked God to help me, because I don’t know it all. I became aware that there were things in my heart that still needed to be released and some limiting subconscious beliefs that I had to address…

The fear of the unknown has subsided and I will push myself farther again tomorrow, until my body and mind accept that it is OK to move forward. We can be safe in the unknown, and in fact, with the decision that we have made to better our lives, we have no choice but to venture out into this place they call “the unknown”. This is brand new territory, baby! Let’s get to getting!

Day 85

Go Farther

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From → How To Blossom

One Comment
  1. After reading this I cannot wait until I can run – thank you for giving me my hope for the day.

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