Skip to content

Day 79 – Patience

December 18, 2011

Blog off. Thoughts off. Something not quite centered. Going in. Closing eyes… Lazy day, but i like it. Just doing nothing is good sometimes. Stop the wheels. Reevaluate. Going in the right direction? Check. Places for improvement? Clean house. Big heart full of love. When can I give it away? Soon. But that’s what Dream Lover used to say, soon. He was right. But when is soon? Soon…

Sigh… OK. Having a conversation with myself.

What can I do to distract myself today? I have already exhausted the internet, the bed, and the telephone.

-Why do you want to distract yourself? What are you afraid of?

All this new stuff. The work never ends.

-Yes. It never ends either way.

I could move to the country and fish and farm all day.

-When will you stop running? What are you running from?

I don’t know. One day everything makes sense and then it doesn’t and I have to learn myself all over again and the world looks different, you know? And I’ve been looking for someone to save me for a long time, but I’m always the one doing all the saving and I don’t even know what I need saving from. I guess I’m just looking for someone to tell me that everything is going to be all right, but not just anyone. I’m looking for someone who is all right to tell me everything is going to be all right, that way I will actually believe them…

You say there is no savior coming. They are all dead. I can read their books and talk to them in spirit if I like, but these are the times when I have to save myself. How?

-Well again, I ask, what do you need saving from?

Nothing… I have green juice in the fridge and a full belly, I know. I have family and friends that I am close to, I know. I have an able body and mind, I know. My heart is almost completely clean, I know. But I’m tired. I’d like to take a break from life and go to sleep and wake up to a clean house that smells good and a hot man cooking in the kitchen. I’d like my books to already be published and maybe even to have a little baby running around somewhere. I’d like to have so much money that all I do is give it away… I’d just like to be there all the way already.

I read my past blogs, and I can’t believe I’ve come so far. I see women and men walking around in so much pain, as much pain as I was in not too long ago and more. There are so many things I don’t understand. Can I just vent for a minute, God? Yes, You say, but not too long. LOL. OK…

-Listen. The in-between is never easy. Look at teenagers. You are not yet who you are to be and yet you are no longer who you used to be. Life might be pimply and you may go through hormonal extremes and you may get bored and antsy. But sooner than later, you become the thing that you were growing towards. You have chosen to Live a certain way, to be your complete self and give your all before it’s all said and done, but you can stop anytime. Just understand that when you stop, you stop. And when you go, you go. What a gift you have, to be able to choose. How lucky you are to realize that you have a choice. So now, my Dear, choose to Trust Me and be Patient. You are on the right Path. Just be Patient…

Day 79


From → How To Blossom

One Comment
  1. Powerful post – I think we are talking to the same person…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: