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Day 77 – Give (Your All)

December 9, 2011

It’s the afternoon time and I just got done doing some introspective work. Feeling really calm and confident. So much happens so quickly these days it’s hard for me to keep up.

Last night, I went to a movie premiere with a friend and then I went dancing alone. Both events were great. I had so much fun being around people and I was open and brave. When I went dancing at the club, I was scared at first, being by myself. I sat down and these two girls started talking to me. In this big city, I’m not always able to distinguish between when a female is trying to be friendly or flirty, so I decided to err on the side of caution, and I wasn’t too friendly with them. I sat alone for about an hour just wanting and wanting to dance, hoping some guy would ask me, but they were all just looking at me and then looking away. Finally (and I had to psyche myself up for this), I stood up and started to dance. I was nervous and stiff and self-conscious at first, so then I just closed my eyes and imagined I was dancing in my room alone until I could feel the music. When I opened my eyes, there were two guys standing in front of me dancing with me.

The rest of the night was a dance party and I had such a good time! I was open and friendly. At one point, this one guy tried to do too much and get a little too close and that upset me a bit… I am recognizing that you can do both. I used to either be an untouchable ice princess or a vulnerable victim that always got taken advantage of, but you can give your all, be open, and still honor and respect your boundaries.

Yeah. This is cool. I can still be open and be safe. People see you when you walk in a room. Just like little kids, we know who we can play with and who we have to take seriously. We know who might hurt us and who we can trust. It’s in very simple things like a person’s posture and the look in their eyes. It’s in a tone of voice and a mindless gesture… We know, but we forget. And we start thinking that who a person is has to do with their age or gender or race…

Last night, I made a conscious effort to give my all, to dance my heart out and be open to give and receive blessings with everyone I danced with, and it was amazing. This week (per one of my teacher’s suggestions) I have made a conscious commitment to give something to someone every day, without expecting anything back, no matter how small, and it is such a wonderful feeling… You don’t really get anything. Well maybe you do. We’ll see. The best thing about giving is that you feel alive, and you don’t feel like you cheated yourself or anyone else.

God, I sent prayers to you without words, and You heard them. You have put such peace in my heart. You have given me my smile again and helped me to remember who I am. You are teaching me the ways of right-use-ness and I am discovering wisdom and power within me. I am learning about the gift of forgiveness and I am becoming a person I like to be. I am so honored and grateful that I am learning to choose what to give and when to give and who to give it to. There is a place for it all… There is a place for it all and I am so excited that I can finally share… Ameen.

Day 77

Give (Your All)

From → How To Blossom

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